-
- 2 Ton Alien Hairball In
Oz
-
- http://www.space.com/area51/tabloid_hairball_991013.html
-
- According to Weekly World News reporter Mike Foster,
"leading geneticist" Ian McCaulway says a two-ton spherical
object
found in the Australian outback is actually a memento of some
enormous
extraterrestrial's digestive tract.
-
- Foster said DNA testing
performed on the sphere had produced
inconclusive results, although the
inclusion of some kangaroo and cow material
in the sphere indicated
that the object's creator had fed on those creatures
shortly before
extruding the sphere.
-
- The sphere had originally been found by UFO buff Pat
Tambrush a few days after a large UFO was sighted over the Great Sandy
Desert of northwestern Australia. Upon ascertaining that the object was
not in fact a spacecraft, Tambrush rolled it back to display in front of
his bar.
-
- McCaulway speculated that the object -- actually a 15-foot
[5
meter] diameter mass of hair and digestive matter -- was the product
of
some alien pet.
-
- "It's possible this hairball comes from a domesticated
animal of extraterrestrial origin," he told the News. "Human
explorers since the days of Christopher Columbus have brought pets such
as cats along on their journeys."
-
- Although Foster said the sphere
was now under study at
"a research center near Sydney," no
additional details were forthcoming
to independently confirm the story.
Likewise, no record of McCaulway or
his undoubtedly distinguished
genetic career was immediately available.
-
- ___________
-
- Holy
Water Found On Moon
-
- http://www.space.com/area51/tabloid_moonwater_991013.html
-
- Although NASA spokesmen recently confirmed that the L
unar
Prospector found no water on the lunar surface, the Weekly
World News
stubbornly insists that the probe not only discovered water,
but holy water
at that.
-
- According to "a high-level NASA insider," the
probe found at least 120 gallons of water shortly after crashing on the
moon July 31.
-
- However, in a dramatic turn of events, the informant
told the
News that NASA "began to get signals back from the craft
indicating that every system was coming back on line -- as if it had
somehow
been 'healed.'"
-
- Surprised technicians were then
able to bring the revived
Prospector -- along with a sample of the
miraculous substance -- back to
earth under its own power, the
supermarket tabloid reported in its October 19
issue.
-
- When analyzed, the lunar water turned out to be "natural
holy water," in the insider's words, with a chemical composition more
or less identical to the healing waters at the pilgrimage center of
Lourdes,
the source told the News.
-
- As such, it is perhaps not
surprising that the substance's
curative properties extended beyond
broken space vehicles to human beings
as well. NASA researchers were
dumbfounded to discover that four cancer
patients went into complete
remission within hours of being exposed to
the moon water, the News
said.
-
- As
far as o
fficial
sources at the space agency know, the probe did not
actually find any
water on the moon, nor did it enjoy a miraculous
resurrection and return
to earth.
-
- ____________
-
-
- Japanese Woman And ET Nearing 7 Year
Anniversary
-
- http://www.space.com/area51/tabloid_alienwedding_991013.html<
FONT
SIZE=+1>
-
- A Japanese woman and the space alien she learned to love
are nearing their 7-year wedding anniversary, the Weekly World News
reported
recently.
-
- Receptionist Miyoki Tanaka, 25, married the
extraterrestrial
known only as "X1431" on March 29, 1993, in
a traditional Shinto
ceremony, the supermarket tabloid said in its October
19
issue.
-
- The
couple lives in an isolated area near Nagoya, Japan,
where they were
married after an involved two-year negotiation between
their families.
The aliens, who were hoping to bolster the cause of interplanetary
cooperation and peace by arranging the nuptials, have since acted in an
unspecified capacity to help the Tanaka family's restaurant
business.
-
- "We've both had to make a lot of adjustments,"
Tanaka
told the News. "He has a nasty habit of floating around the
room
at night, which is distracting when you're trying to sleep."
-
- While undoubtedly
fascinating, any parallels between
X1431 and Japanese folkloric
entities remain obscure as yet. However, it
is noteworthy that the
alien hates Tanaka's cooking, preferring to subsist
on a diet of
"shoe polish and brine," and is given toproducing
earsplitting shrieks when excited.
-
- Because X1431 has never
bothered to learn Japanese or
English, the couple communicates
telepathically. In a wedding photograph
credited to the "Japan
News Press," he is shown as a classic
small-nosed Gray in formal
kimono. Tanaka appears sullen but resigned.
-
- No children are mentioned.
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