- Two Defence Department scientists are
urging Jean Chretien to help avert an alien invasion prompted by unregulated
message traffic sent into space by UFO fanatics.
-
- Yvan Dutil and Stephane Dumas, who work
as astrophysicists at the Defence Research Establishment in Valcartier,
Que., have written the prime minister to ask him to regulate communications
with extraterrestrials.
-
- The two scientists, who are themselves
attempting to contact extraterrestrial life, are concerned that inexperienced
UFO fanatics could inadvertently invite an alien invasion.
-
- "Sooner or later, messages carelessly
designed might put Earth at risk," they wrote in an e-mail sent to
Mr. Chretien and Art Hanger, the Reform party Defence critic. "For
example, UFO cultists could send a message through space asking extraterrestrials
to come and rule Earth."
-
- Contacted yesterday at the Valcartier
research establishment, Mr. Dutil said he and his colleague believe it
is time the federal government got involved in regulating extraterrestrial
communications.
-
- "The main proposal is if you want
to send something in space, the message should have to be checked out,"
he said. "It is not stupid to do this since [these communications]
may imply danger so you have to be careful. It is like playing with dynamite."
-
- Mr. Dutil stressed that the Defence Department
is not involved in his and Mr. Dumas' plans to communicate with extraterrestrials.
-
- Peter Donolo, the prime minister's usually
voluble communications director, was almost speechless when told of the
request of the government scientists to regulate "amateur" message
traffic.
-
- "Come on, this is insane,"
he blurted out and then added: "We are not aware that fraternizing
with aliens from outer space is a problem."
-
- Mr. Hanger said he just cannot believe
the Defence Department has allowed the two scientists to "play around
with these kinds of fantasies.
-
- "I don't know if they have talked
to any moon people lately but it is obvious they are living in a fantasy
world," said Mr. Hanger, who wondered "if they are going to converse
in both of Canada's official languages."
-
- Mr. Dutil said he and Mr. Dumas are involved
in a project called Encounter 2001 where they hope to communicate with
extraterrestrial civilizations using a transmitter in the Ukraine that
is 100,000 times stronger than an ordinary TV.
-
- Mr. Dutil said he and his partner's interest
in the project is "purely scientific" and they got involved because
they wanted to limit the risks to Earth by establishing proper communications
and rules in dealing with aliens.
-
- "There is a concern, for example,
you have a religious group that believes in extraterrestrials as God and
they want to call God to come here and who knows what might happen? If
there is advanced civilization in space and they receive this kind of message
they may come here and still play God," he said.
-
- Chan Tysor, president of Houston-based
Celelstis Inc, a company that sends cremated remains into space, told the
National Post yesterday that he is participating in the Encounter 2001
project with the two Canadian scientists.
-
-
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reserved. Optimized for browser versions 3.0 and higher. "National
Post Online is a production of Southam Inc., Canada's largest publisher
of daily newspapers."
-
-
-
- By Gary Dunford
- Toronto Sun
- 2-28-99
-
-
- YO, MORK! Like you, I often find myself outdoors late at night, shouting
at the stars. "Take me now!" I cry at the heavens. "Fly
me to a distant galaxy! Better yet, take my editors! I have a list!"
-
- But Scout's honour: I have never asked
the aliens -- those creepy cosmic visitors -- to conquer mankind and rule
over us like ants. Not once.
-
- That's why it's upsetting to see two
Canadian astrophysicists writing the prime minister, demanding he regulate
communication with extraterrestrials. The defence department scientists
want to cut the rest of us out of the loop -- they plan to communicate
with UFOs and galactic civilizations themselves. Ordinary Canadians dabbling
in UFO contacts might invite alien invasion, they claim.
-
- "If you want to send something into
space, the message should have to be checked out," Yvan Dutil e-mailed
the PM. "Messages carelessly designed might put Earth at risk ...
so you have to be careful. It is like playing with dynamite."
-
- Have we not all seen The Thing? Alien?
Men in Black? Do they think we are fools? Once again, science underestimates
the common man. Let Ottawa set rules for alien contact? Hah! To heck with
routing amateur spaceman messages thru the already-over-worked PMO. Better
it be Bill Nye, the Science Guy. Must government-appointed censors scan
all e-mail to outerspace.com? Should civil service meddlers monitor what
you do at midnight with an old CB radio, duct tape and a Heathkit amp?
I think not.
-
- I have sent the aliens many messages.
I do this at night by shouting at
- stars or slow-moving objects overhead.
These are largely one-way
- conversations. A few communications I
recall ...
- - We have Viagra. Warn your women.
- - No right turn on red. Unless car behind
you honks.
- - You almost killed Cartman with that
probe, you bastards.
- - Dalton McGuinty: Ours or yours?
- - Keep your damn sugar-and-lard pellets!
We have delicious Skittles!
- - Bring me a space monkey, Mork!
- - I'm drunk as a skunk and can kick
your alien butt.
-
- The last I yell flat on my back, usually
on the porch at somebody's cottage in August. If you put a blanket over
me, I stop.
-
- Frankly, Jean Chretien's office is the
last place I would go, seeking a ban on amateur space contact. Have scientists
forgotten the PM's late-night encounters with the homeless man on the park
bench? Why has no one ever been able to find that person? How could that
poor soul vanish not just from Ottawa, but from Earth? I have my suspicions.
And two words familiar to any viewer of Space, the Imagination Station:
Mind meld. When did Chretien start acting funny? Wasn't it right after
those homeless bench summits? Didn't space baddies once use pepper spray
on Alien Nation? How can Chretien lead the Liberals in another election?
Has he stopped aging? It's all coming together now.
-
- "UFO cultists could send a message
thru space asking extraterrestrials to come and rule earth," the defence
department scientists e-mailed the PM. They plan a super-powered radio
transmitter to communicate with distant galaxies. I urge them to call it
CISS-FM and play nothing but Shania and the Dixie Chicks. If you build
it, they will come.
-
- Any Canadian's real fear should be that
the prime minister will assign Alien Communication Issues to the CRTC.
We're talkin' years of cross-country hearings, endless press releases from
Ian Morrison and the Friends of Interstellar Broadcasting. And in the end,
you know it'll wind up you have to buy MeTV plus a Propaganda Tier from
Rogers Cable to so much as shout at Mars. Yell for free while you still
can. Hey Martians! Probe this!
-
- Sheila Copps will demand a complete ban
on U.S. supermarket tabloids -- weekly UFO diaries of the damned and abducted.
No more news of alien contact. Customs will scoop smuggled copies of Weekly
World News. We'll be the backwater of the universe. Forbidden to talk to
E.T. Zip your lips. Do as you're told. Just like now.
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