- BELGRADE - Never a nation to keep its head down, especially not when under
attack by foreign empire, the Serb black humor is thriving even as NATO's
bombs are raining death and destruction across the country. Here's a mock
tourism ad which a TiM reader from Belgrade has sent to us:
- To foreign Yellow pages - Advertising
- Tourist organizations
- THE LATEST!
- Latest tourist invention of the 20th
century! Tourist offer organized by Yugoslav Tourist Association
- If you have always wanted to experience
a true excitement... If you think that you saw all the sights in the world...
If you want more than your TV screen may offer you... To enter a totally
real virtual world of an arcade video game... ..to be on the spot to achieve
your dream to achieve your mission to experience a thrill - welcome to..
- STRIKE AGAINST YUGOSLAVIA - LIVE !
- A great deal, one of a kind! For the
first time in Europe, first time in the World! Attractive! Exciting! Magnificent!
Unbelievable! Enjoy it to the sickness!
- Go through NATO humanitarian bombing
against Yugoslavia - LIVE !
- First and unique opportunity to visit
and stay in any of >Yugoslav cities by your choice and experience the
explosions and detonations by Tomahawk cruise missiles, cluster bombs and
many other radioactive bombs with all known and unknown NATO arsenal on
the spot, LIVE! You will experience demolishing of factories, hospitals,
schools, buildings, apartments, so as killing innocent civilians and children
in a direct vicinity!
- CITIES! Belgrade, Batajnica, Pancevo,
Novi Sad, Subotica, Sombor, Valjevo, Uzice, Nis, Aleksinac, Krusevac, Kragujevac,
Pec, Cuprija, Podgorica, Prizren, Kursumlija, Vranje, Kosovska Mitrovica,
and many more devastated places!
- SPECIAL PRIZE! If you find ONE city that
suffered no bombing & damage, here's what you get: Two week tour around
the country visiting refugees of all nationalities! Pay a visit to all
the refugees stationed in Serbia, Albanians included!
- To the rest of our guests, we recommend
specially attractive places! Rock concerts at Belgrade bridges and last
halfly-ruined bridge in Novi Sad! Feel the atmosphere with live bombing
coverage, special effects & lightshow!
- ACCOMMODATIONS Extremely comfortable
shelters of Hyatt Regency Hotel and many other popular places. For our
guests with a skin-deep pocket, we offer private accommodation among many
moldy shelters around and below buildings, which will be generously shared
with Yugoslav old people and children! Watch the children grow and play
inside the shelters and basements!
- DAILY ACTIVITIES During the day guests
pay many visits to demolished buildings, ruined or totally devastated facilities
and many ambient ruins where they can take some of the debris as a no charge
souvenir - but not lighter than 20 pounds! Traditional 50 pound rock necklaces
or a pendant - only 9.95! Cross country running with the air-raid sirens,
fishing below the bridge, camping beneath the TV emitter and many other
activities! Extra - after midnight visit to chemical and petroleum facilities!
For those who care about their fitness and health, we organize morning
route of 3 miles running and exercise, breathing freshly depleted uranium!
- SPECIAL OFFERS
- You demand more excitement, more danger,
bigger adventure? If you think that TITANIC was something, then look here!
- 1) We are negotiating with NATO Alliance
to allow American tourists to travel by F-117 Stealth aircraft, which recently
provides more fun and much more excitement than regular B-2 or B-52 aircraft!!!
You may also be able to visit the F-117 graveyard in Budjanovci, but only
if you land successfully!
- 2) For our special guests, depressive
American millionaires, we offer a full-night accommodation at one of the
Military Bases on Kosovo as a 100% successful therapy! Money back guarantee
in death case.
- 3) Safari Tour! That's right! You can
travel with the refugees across the country, enjoying a unique trip on
the red tractors! Those with the driver's licenses may already book the
tractor (first and last one in the convoy are already booked).
- 4) Fast Railroads of Serbia! Get aboard
to some international train and travel through Serbia! Watch the beauties
of our country, canyons and bridges - you may also place a no limit bet
- arriving in one piece or many pieces!
- 5) Play a role of a famous producer Oliver
Stone! Set up your cameras and your gear and let the actors play while
you direct "PLATOON 2"!
- 6) Being our special guest, you'll be
especially hosted! A program called "ONE NIGHT IN PRESIDENT'S RESIDENCY"
provides you exceptionally powerful feeling of being treated as a famous
dictator and a monstrous ruler! Family sleep over increases the adventure!
- 7) Did you ever want to be a war reporter?
Now you have a chance! Report LIVE from a sight that was bombed, bring
your tape promptly to our national TV center and while you prepare the
record for broadcast, enjoy the belief that your TV isn't a target! Very
- 8) A most exciting, most competitive,
most challenging task you'll get! Play the scenario "SAVE RYANN"
live on the battlefield! Your mission is to find the Ryann before someone
else finds him!
- Since there are many interested ladies
and gentlemen among EU and NATO countries, all of our guests who apply
within next week will be granted a generous discount of 5% per cash payment
and 50% per S-300 payment. We take credit cards - "American Regret",
"NO VISA", "Blast'em Hard".
- We guarantee that NATO Alliance will
strictly respect their promise and continue intensive bombing of Yugoslavia
in order to improve Yugoslav tourism, since all the other sources of development
are damaged or endangered, and since there are no other reasons to continue
this aggression. If there would be no bomby-days during your staying in
Yugoslavia, or if some break happens, and if you don't see at least 10
civilians killed per two nights of bombing - money back guarantee.
- The people of Yugoslavia would gladly
share their daily food portions and supplies, but we strongly recommend
you to bring your own food and luxuries such as peanut butter, caviar,
maple syrup etc. UNLESS you want to experience the full impression of being
a Serb in their own country. If you're not sure with whom are you talking
to on the field and if you can't recognize his nationality, which is a
common thing, you may know who the Serbs are at any occasion - an average
Serb will never say "I did NOT had sexual relationship with that woman."
- This program is supervised by most of
the world humanitarian organizations such as EU, NATO, UN, OSCE, MMF, KLA,
KKC, ETA and many others, for a sake of globalization, peace, stability
- CALL- NOW!
- JEopardized BIzarre Tourist Entertainment
of SErbia - "JE.BI.T.E.SE" 13 Mite Balije Street Belgrade
- TiM Ed.: This is a fictitious address,
of course. --- NOTE: To cancel the e-mail editions of our reports, just
reply REMOVE or UNSUBSCRIBE, followed by your e-mail address. ---- Bob
Djurdjevic TRUTH IN MEDIA Phoenix, Arizona e-mail: email@example.com
- Visit the Truth in Media Web site http://www.truthinmedia.org/
for more articles on geopolitical affairs.