Serbian (Black) Humor
Thrives Even Under NATO Bombs
From TiM GW Bulletins

BELGRADE - Never a nation to keep its head down, especially not when under attack by foreign empire, the Serb black humor is thriving even as NATO's bombs are raining death and destruction across the country. Here's a mock tourism ad which a TiM reader from Belgrade has sent to us:
To foreign Yellow pages - Advertising - Tourist organizations
Latest tourist invention of the 20th century! Tourist offer organized by Yugoslav Tourist Association
If you have always wanted to experience a true excitement... If you think that you saw all the sights in the world... If you want more than your TV screen may offer you... To enter a totally real virtual world of an arcade video game... be on the spot to achieve your dream to achieve your mission to experience a thrill - welcome to..
A great deal, one of a kind! For the first time in Europe, first time in the World! Attractive! Exciting! Magnificent! Unbelievable! Enjoy it to the sickness!
Go through NATO humanitarian bombing against Yugoslavia - LIVE !
First and unique opportunity to visit and stay in any of >Yugoslav cities by your choice and experience the explosions and detonations by Tomahawk cruise missiles, cluster bombs and many other radioactive bombs with all known and unknown NATO arsenal on the spot, LIVE! You will experience demolishing of factories, hospitals, schools, buildings, apartments, so as killing innocent civilians and children in a direct vicinity!
CITIES! Belgrade, Batajnica, Pancevo, Novi Sad, Subotica, Sombor, Valjevo, Uzice, Nis, Aleksinac, Krusevac, Kragujevac, Pec, Cuprija, Podgorica, Prizren, Kursumlija, Vranje, Kosovska Mitrovica, and many more devastated places!
SPECIAL PRIZE! If you find ONE city that suffered no bombing & damage, here's what you get: Two week tour around the country visiting refugees of all nationalities! Pay a visit to all the refugees stationed in Serbia, Albanians included!
To the rest of our guests, we recommend specially attractive places! Rock concerts at Belgrade bridges and last halfly-ruined bridge in Novi Sad! Feel the atmosphere with live bombing coverage, special effects & lightshow!
ACCOMMODATIONS Extremely comfortable shelters of Hyatt Regency Hotel and many other popular places. For our guests with a skin-deep pocket, we offer private accommodation among many moldy shelters around and below buildings, which will be generously shared with Yugoslav old people and children! Watch the children grow and play inside the shelters and basements!
DAILY ACTIVITIES During the day guests pay many visits to demolished buildings, ruined or totally devastated facilities and many ambient ruins where they can take some of the debris as a no charge souvenir - but not lighter than 20 pounds! Traditional 50 pound rock necklaces or a pendant - only 9.95! Cross country running with the air-raid sirens, fishing below the bridge, camping beneath the TV emitter and many other activities! Extra - after midnight visit to chemical and petroleum facilities! For those who care about their fitness and health, we organize morning route of 3 miles running and exercise, breathing freshly depleted uranium!
You demand more excitement, more danger, bigger adventure? If you think that TITANIC was something, then look here!
1) We are negotiating with NATO Alliance to allow American tourists to travel by F-117 Stealth aircraft, which recently provides more fun and much more excitement than regular B-2 or B-52 aircraft!!! You may also be able to visit the F-117 graveyard in Budjanovci, but only if you land successfully!
2) For our special guests, depressive American millionaires, we offer a full-night accommodation at one of the Military Bases on Kosovo as a 100% successful therapy! Money back guarantee in death case.
3) Safari Tour! That's right! You can travel with the refugees across the country, enjoying a unique trip on the red tractors! Those with the driver's licenses may already book the tractor (first and last one in the convoy are already booked).
4) Fast Railroads of Serbia! Get aboard to some international train and travel through Serbia! Watch the beauties of our country, canyons and bridges - you may also place a no limit bet - arriving in one piece or many pieces!
5) Play a role of a famous producer Oliver Stone! Set up your cameras and your gear and let the actors play while you direct "PLATOON 2"!
6) Being our special guest, you'll be especially hosted! A program called "ONE NIGHT IN PRESIDENT'S RESIDENCY" provides you exceptionally powerful feeling of being treated as a famous dictator and a monstrous ruler! Family sleep over increases the adventure!
7) Did you ever want to be a war reporter? Now you have a chance! Report LIVE from a sight that was bombed, bring your tape promptly to our national TV center and while you prepare the record for broadcast, enjoy the belief that your TV isn't a target! Very exciting!
8) A most exciting, most competitive, most challenging task you'll get! Play the scenario "SAVE RYANN" live on the battlefield! Your mission is to find the Ryann before someone else finds him!
Since there are many interested ladies and gentlemen among EU and NATO countries, all of our guests who apply within next week will be granted a generous discount of 5% per cash payment and 50% per S-300 payment. We take credit cards - "American Regret", "NO VISA", "Blast'em Hard".
We guarantee that NATO Alliance will strictly respect their promise and continue intensive bombing of Yugoslavia in order to improve Yugoslav tourism, since all the other sources of development are damaged or endangered, and since there are no other reasons to continue this aggression. If there would be no bomby-days during your staying in Yugoslavia, or if some break happens, and if you don't see at least 10 civilians killed per two nights of bombing - money back guarantee.
The people of Yugoslavia would gladly share their daily food portions and supplies, but we strongly recommend you to bring your own food and luxuries such as peanut butter, caviar, maple syrup etc. UNLESS you want to experience the full impression of being a Serb in their own country. If you're not sure with whom are you talking to on the field and if you can't recognize his nationality, which is a common thing, you may know who the Serbs are at any occasion - an average Serb will never say "I did NOT had sexual relationship with that woman."
This program is supervised by most of the world humanitarian organizations such as EU, NATO, UN, OSCE, MMF, KLA, KKC, ETA and many others, for a sake of globalization, peace, stability and democracy.
JEopardized BIzarre Tourist Entertainment of SErbia - "JE.BI.T.E.SE" 13 Mite Balije Street Belgrade
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