- "What's with men and gadgets?" Gwen the Beautiful
asked a couple of days ago. "Since you got that new toy you've been
obsessed!"
-
- She was talking about the universal remote control that
had put a wide smile on my face the moment I opened the box.
-
- "This baby is awesome," I said, pressing the
switch that simultaneously turned off the television set, DVD player and
stereo receiver. It opened the DVD tray so I could pop out the video I'd
been watching. "But I wouldn't say I'm 'obsessed.'"
-
- Gwen was downstairs. I was up in our bedroom loft where
she couldn't see me. We heard each other very well, though, and I heard
her laugh.
-
- "Oh no? What're you doing now?"
-
- It was a trap. I tried to stop myself - too late. My
thumb was already pressing the "Listen to the Radio" function.
-
- Immediately the receiver popped back on, set on "Radio,"
this time, with my favorite station tuned in. I muted the sound in time
to hear:
-
- "I know you, Larry B. You're going to cycle through
that gizmo, and then you're going to do it again, fine-tuning all the while.
You'll fix it till it breaks, just like your cell phone, my iPod and our
computer."
-
- "That's not exactly true," I said. "I'm
seeing what needs to be fine-tuned, and then I'll plug the remote into
the computer and let the software do the fixing."
-
- Gwen groaned.
-
- I pressed my advantage. "My question for you, baby,
is why aren't you obsessed with this doohickey's coolness? Why didn't you
use it last night instead of turning on the TV with one clicker, the satellite
box with another and the sound system by hand because we lost the remote
that came with it last year?"
-
- I waited for my beloved. There it was - another groan.
-
- Victory!
-
- I turned off the mute. Sweet music filled my ears. By
that night, I not only had the TV, DVD and radio working perfectly, but
also the VCR, CD carousel and Tivo. Life was good.
-
- The next day, however, it seemed to me that the subwoofer
needed a little tweaking, so the bass would go on deeper for CDs than for
TV. I had all day for the task, and wouldn't bug Gwen because she was taking
advantage of the gradual return of her eyesight after a stroke several
years ago, and driving solo to visit a friend who lives on the other side
of the Buffalo National River.
-
- Off she went that morning, excited by her freedom yet
a little worried as well. She got there right on time and called me to
proudly say she hadn't had any problems. I did a little victory dance,
but didn't bother working on the remote. Who would've known that without
Gwen there frowning, fooling with the thing just wasn't fun?
-
- Instead I did some real work, restringing fence wire,
then came back inside just as the phone rang.
-
- "Help!" Gwen said. "I took a wrong turn
coming home. I've been driving for an hour, and I'm on something called
Highway 333. Oh, and I'm running out of gas."
-
- "You've got the truck," I pointed out. "So
I don't have wheels. I could call Brannigan.
-
- "Brannigan could take forever. Maybe you could give
me some directions. Does it help if I say I'm about five minutes from Highway
27?"
-
- "Going which way?"
-
- "I don't know."
-
- I went online and Googled a local map. Found where 27
and 333 crossed. "Did you pass Searcy County Airport?"
-
- "No."
-
- "Then you're headed south. Turn around and start
back where you came from. When you reach the 27 turn right. That'll take
you to the gas station in Marshall. And you know how to get home from there."
-
- Forty minutes later, Gwen was safely home. I hugged her
exhausted body.
-
- "Listen," I said, "I know exactly how
to keep this from happening again. We'll get a GPS unit. Amazon.com's got
a great one at 40 percent off. I'll download the latest maps into it and
pre-arrange the best routes. All you'll have to do is push a button and
then drive. A voice will give you directions, and a satellite will keep
track of your location so the GPS can tell you exactly when to turn -"
-
- I broke off. Gwen's face wore a familiar look.
-
- "You'd never use a GPS, would you?"
-
- She shook her head. "Sorry," Gwen said.
-
- What's with women and gadgets? Why can't they get obsessed?
-
-
- Copyright C 2007 by Larry Brody. All rights reserved.
-
- Author Larry Brody's weekly column, LIVE! FROM PARADISE!
appears on his website, www.larrybrody.com. He has written thousands of
hours of network television, and is the author of "Television Writing
from the Inside Out" and "Turning Points in Television."
Brody is Creative Director of The Cloud Creek Institute for the Arts, the
world's first in-residence media colony. More about his activities can
be seen on www.tvwriter.com and www.cloudcreek.org. He welcomes your comments
and feedback at <mailto:LarryBrody@cloudcreek.org>LarryBrody@cloudcreek.org.
Brody, his wife and their dogs, cats, horses and chickens live in Marion
County, Arkansas. The other residents of the mythical town of Paradise
reside in his imagination.
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