- The top 13 are listed here in inverse alphabetical order,
with a 3-way tie for 1st! This compilation is admittedly highly subjective
and arbitrary, with numerous other excellent runner-up candidates having
been left on the sidelines to limit the number to 13.
-
- 13. About time! An alternative beauty pageant was staged
in Iceland, where wrinkled faces, pot bellies and other physiological imperfections
will garner points for the contestants.
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- 12. Man beaten for being bald! While dining at his fiancee's
home, she realized that he was wearing a toupee and yanked it off, ripping
it to shreds in a fury...she and her parents then proceeded to beat him
for deceiving them about his bald pate. It appears that there will be no
wedding.
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- 11. Gargantuan spider web some 200 yards wide has materialized
in the Lake Tawakoni State Park in Texas, some 45 miles east of Dallas!
100s of spiders created the massive web, either social cobweb arachnids
working in concert or loners each building a web around itself to remain
isolated. Either way, millions of mosquitoes have become trapped in the
gossamer, turning it brown...their squeals of terror can be heard as they
await their fate as meals.
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- 10. Ouch! New England gal,18, developed a massive 10-pound
hairball in her tummy from years of chewing on her own hair! The bezoar,
which resembled a dead rat, had to be surgically removed.
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- 9. Feral cats have been introduced to a number of police
stations in Los Angeles to drive out congregations of rats and mice...once
the rodents detect the feline presence, they typically flee to another
locale. The fur bearers have been so successful they next may be placed
at the LAPD headquarters at Parker Center. Meow
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- 8. In order to conserve diesel fuel, a crematorium in
Hunan, China has been dumping half-burned cadavers into ditches along the
road. Locals were alerted to the practice by the unbearable fetidity being
emitted by the body parts which were placed in plastic bags.
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- 7. Man in Cambridge, England stole some 123 parking meters
by sawing them off and storing them at his home! At a cost of $300 apiece,
the city will have to spend $37,000 on replacements.
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- 6. Grieving couple in Hyderabad, India hanged themselves
after holding a burial ceremony for their beloved pooch of 13 years.
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- 5. When a cabbie up in San Francisco was assigned medallion
No.666, he immediately had the taxi blessed by a priest. But, after an
accident and a number of personal setbacks, he has importuned the Taxi
Commission to assign him another number, but they heartlessly voted 4-to-1
against giving into superstition, leaving him stuck with 666.
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- 4. True devotion! 2 London, England sisters have kept
their mother, who died at age 84 in 1997 on ice in a mortuary refrigeration
unit, visiting her every weekend, talking to her and even applying makeup!
They have spent approximately $26,000 on the endeavor, including 5 coffins
(the first 4 rotted away from the cold). While relatives say the mom has
deteriorated to a skeleton with just a thin veil of skin covering her and
should be buried, I contend that these these sisters should be commended
for their efforts which they should continue.
-
- 3. 77-year-old man in Des Moines,Iowa went to check a
clog in his septic tank on Christmas Eve and fell in head first, with his
feet sticking out. He was trapped in there for over an hour before his
cries for help were heard by his wife...sheriff's deputies ultimately extricated
him. Phew!
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- 2. He bragged too much! An 80-year-old holy man in Chittour,
india claimed that his right leg was magical, that anyone touching it would
be immediately cured of any illness they have. Last week, 2 men cut off
that leg below the knee with a sickle and made off with it, presumably
to avail themselves of its special powers. The yoga survived and is recuperating
in a hospital.
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- 1. Oops! At Tanzania's Muhimbili Hospital, patient
who needed brain surgery for a tumor got an unneeded knee operation and
died while the man with the bum knee underwent unnecessary brain surgery
and has survived. The mix-up was blamed on the fact that both men shared
the 1st name of Emmanuel. The Ruehl solution: Anyone needing brain surgery
should be appointed with a black monk's cowl so no mistakes can be made.
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- 1. For the 3rd time this year, surgeons at the
Rhode Island Hospital have operated on the wrong side of a patient's brain.
But, the Ruehl solution can easily eliminate this problem: each patient
slated for brain surgery should again be appointed with a black monk's
cowl, with plastic tape placed on the side on which the surgery is to be
performed.
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- 1. Eek! During brain surgery, neurologists removed
a man's scalp, storing it in the hospital refrigerator, planning to reattach
it after the operation. But, the fridge was on the fritz, causing his scalp
to rot, so he is now forced to wear a plastic cap over his head.
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