- LOS ANGELES -- Some of the oddest stories of 1998 had to do with sex, proving
that after all these years people either can't get it right or are hellbent
on finding new variations on old themes.
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- It was the year of Viagra and "virgin
sex'' on the "net'' and the year when the United States found itself
seriously debating whether oral sex is really sex. The fate of a president
hung in the balance.
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- It was also the year in which a Tampa,
Florida, man decided he wasn't going to sit there and take it after getting
slammed in the head by the large naked breasts of an enthusiastic dancer
in a strip club.
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- Likening the experience to being hit
with cement blocks, Paul Shimkonis demanded $15,000. The case wound up
on a TV court show which found for the stripper despite Shimkonis's claim
that "I haven't been right since.''
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- Meanwhile, some gas stations in China
found a fresh way to take service to new heights. A Chinese oil publication
said about 1,000 stations in the region of Ningxia have been luring motorists
by offering prostitutes along with oil and gas.
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- "The term no honey, no money has
changed into no petrol, no honey,'' said the oil industry publication China
OGP, a slogan that is not quite as catchy as the famed sign atop a New
York restaurant-petrol station complex: "Eat here, Get Gas.''
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- Doctors at Rome's Umberto Hospital, Italy's
largest, say they want permission to perform penis transplants. But there
was a small problem " there are no guarantees transplanted penises
would be able to achieve erections. "We are ready, we are waiting
for the OK,'' said plastic surgeon Niccolo Scuderi.
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- Italy also came up with an important
ruling in the battle between the sexes: the country's highest court said
a wife can't cheat on her husband just because he is a workaholic.
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- A woman in the city of Ancona said she
started an affair because her husband was always at work and her mother-in-law
was hard to take. The court ruled she was at fault for the breakdown of
her marriage.
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- No one knows what happened in the marriage
of Cayetano and Margarita Sanchez in the Mexican town of Huatusco but when
he didn't speak to her for eight days, she thought he was angry.
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- It turned out he was dead, the Mexican
news agency Notimex said. Mrs Sanchez reportedly told police she tried
to talk to her husband but he did not respond. Later, when his body started
to decompose, she knew it was not a snit-fit.
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- VIRGINS ON THE NET
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- The Internet produced some odd stories
during the year, including a claim by "two virgins'' that they had
chosen the net to record "their first time.'' The story, taking advantage
of the publicity accorded a woman who gave actually birth on the net, turned
out to be a hoax by a producer who said he wanted to promote safe sex.
The virgins turned out to be actors looking for their first big show business
break.
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- Viagra turned out to be a drug that causes
problems even as it effects miracle cures. In Mineola, New York, a woman
alleged that her lover dumped her after taking the impotency drug. Roberta
Burke, 63, sued for $2 million in a palimony suit, saying that wealthy
retired construction executive Frank ''Sonny'' Bernardo, 70, left her after
having sexual intercourse for the first time in four years thanks to Viagra
.
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- Burke said Bernardo, impotent since 1994,
told her: "It's time...to be a stud again.''
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- The British author Sebastian Faulks won
the "Bad Sex'' prize of 1998, an award given to the author who writes
the most laughable description of sex. His contribution: "Meanwhile
her ears were filled with the sound of a soft but frantic gasping and it
was some time before she identified it as her own.''
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- The character to whom this is happening,
and for whom the earth was moving, then says : "This is so wonderful
I feel I might disintegrate. I might break into a million fragments.''
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- The English National Ballet urged its
dancers to have sex before a performance so that their version of "Romeo
and Juliet'' could show some passion. Some of the dancers agreed that it
was a jolly good idea, although if they read Sebastian Faulks they would
know the dangers they could face.
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- Not all the odd stories of 1998 involved
sex. There was, for example, the tale of the exploding sofa.
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- An Albanian couple's dream of owning
a used sofa went up in smoke when a grenade hidden it its frame exploded
when unloaded, injuring 10 people. The grenade was thought to be one of
thousands of weapons stolen from army depots in riots.
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- Then there was the tale of 77-year-old
James Currens, from Pinellas County, Florida, who woke up in the pond behind
his house staring into the faces of several alligators. Currens said he
must have been sleepwalking when he stumbled down an embankment and into
the water. He was rescued by police.
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- A St Petersburg, Florida, man was not
so lucky in his encounter with the law. Charles Peterson, 39, made the
mistake of spitting in the street. A quick-witted policeman spotted the
spittle, blotted it up and ran a DNA test on it which led to Peterson's
arrest for a murder, two rapes and 15 robberies. He was not arrested for
spitting in the street because he did it from his motorcycle which is not
against the law.
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- Speaking of motorcycles, a Danish man
bade his late 86-year-old father farewell by taking his corpse for a motorbike
ride. Flemming Pedersen, 37, took the corpse to his father's favorite haunts
and talked to him about it. He said he felt very good afterwards. His father
had no comment.
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- A retired Austrian truck driver surfaced
in 1998 to say that despite all the pressure on him over the years he never
thought of changing the name his parents gave him " Adolf Hittler.
But people call him up during the night and say "Heil Hitler'' and
his son adopted his wife's surname.
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- The year also had a towering love story
" that of a young woman for a tall tree. Environmentalist Julia Hill
celebrated her first anniversary of being perched in a California redwood
tree to call attention to the destruction of remaining groves of what may
be the most majestic trees on Earth.
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- Hill, 24, has been living in the 210-foot-high
(64 meters) tree she calls "Luna'' since December 10, 1997, to save
it from the chain saws of a timber company. She said she will not descend
until she has done everything she can to save "Luna.''
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- And, if it wasn't so serious, the story
of President Clinton's affair with Monica Lewinsky might rank as the oddest
story of the year: a Democratic president gets caught lying about an affair
and the first person to lose his job is the head of the Republicans in
the House of Representatives.
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- But the tale has long ago gone from the
category of odd to that of high drama, and who knows, maybe tragedy in
1999. Stay tuned.
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