| Back to... |
| Share Our Stories! - Click Here | |
Phyllis Diller - One Line Doosies That Were Her Brand | |
| 6-21-23 | |
|
Whatever
you may look
like, marry a
man your own
age. As your
beauty fades,
so will his
eyesight. -Phyllis Diller
Housework
can't kill
you, but why
take a chance?
-Phyllis
Diller
Cleaning
your house
while your
kids are still
growing up is
like shoveling
the sidewalk
before it
stops snowing.
-Phyllis
Diller
The
reason women
don't play
football is
because 11 of
them would
never wear the
same outfit in
public.
-Phyllis
Diller
Best way to
get rid of
kitchen odors:
Eat out.
-Phyllis
Diller
A
bachelor is a
guy who never
made the same
mistake once.
-Phyllis
Diller
I
want my
children to
have all the
things I
couldn't
afford. Then I
want to move
in with them.
-Phyllis
Diller
Most
children
threaten at
times to run
away from
home. This is
the only thing
that keeps
some parents
going.
-Phyllis
Diller
Any
time three New
Yorkers get
into a cab
without an
argument, a
bank has just
been robbed.
-Phyllis
Diller
We
spend the
first twelve
months of our
children's
lives teaching
them to walk
and talk and
the next
twelve years
telling them
to sit down
and shut up.
-Phyllis
Diller
Burt
Reynolds once
asked me out.
I was in his
room.
-Phyllis
Diller
What
I don't like
about office
Christmas
parties is
looking for a job
the next day.
-Phyllis
Diller
The
only time I
ever enjoyed
ironing was
the day I
accidentally
got gin in the
steam iron.
-Phyllis
Diller
His
finest hour
lasted a
minute and a
half.
-Phyllis
Diller
Old
age is when
the liver
spots show
through your
gloves.
-Phyllis
Diller
My
photographs
don't do me
justice -they
just look like
me.
-Phyllis
Diller
I
admit, I have
a tremendous
sex drive. My
boyfriend
lives forty
miles away.
-Phyllis
Diller
Tranquilizers work
only if you
follow the
advice on the
bottle keep
away from
children.
-Phyllis
Diller
I
asked the
waiter, 'Is
this milk
fresh?' He
said, 'Lady,
three hours
ago it was
grass.'
-Phyllis
Diller
The
reason the
golf pro tells
you to keep
your head down
is so you
can't see him
laughing.
-Phyllis
Diller
You
know you're
old if they
have
discontinued
your blood
type there
-Phyllis
Diller |