| “The best way to control
the opposition is to read it.” Mark Twain
If you spend much time on the internet, as I do, you soon realize that
lots of conspiracy theorists live there. Literally they live on the internet
to discuss the latest conspiracy theory, no matter how wacko. And depending
on which way the wind blows on the moon, they argue heatedly, whether
we did or did not really land on the Lunar surface. As if it makes a whole
world of difference anyway.
But when we discover that our favorite wits and writers, everyone from
Will Shakespeare to Mel Gibson, share our conspiracy leanings, we get
really excited. Often our excitement is dashed when we go instantly
to Snopes.com and discover that, NO, the Titanic was not purposely sunk
by a mysterious German U-boat lurking in the middle of the Atlantic, concealed
by an iceberg, simply to benefit JP Morgan. No, that would have
been the luxury liner SS Lusitania, whose sinking helped bring America
into the war AND eventually benefit JP Morgan and enrich 500 other international
banksters while wrecking entire countries and killing millions.
But what difference does it make? By the time any conspiracy theory is
proven to be a conspiracy fact, the conspirers are long since retired,
rich and free, laughing it up on a luxurious yacht somewhere.
Mark Twain spent a lot of time on luxury liners, crossing the dangerous
Atlantic after he became world famous. Naturally he knew someone was trying
to kill him, long before Tom Clancy did. Twain talked to Tom a couple
of times, and realized that someone was trying to sink his ship. So the
former riverboat pilot changed his name from simple Samuel Clemens to
a more diabolical-sounding Mark Twain. Lots of people on Facebook are
not who we think they are. Mark Twain realized this very early when he
posted:
He posted this once on Facebook, after someone said that 9/11 was some
sort of “Inside Job.” Everyone knows the only Real inside jobs are the
jobs where people really work indoors. Otherwise it’s just another hoax,
like UFOs and Area 51.
As he got older, Twain spent a lot of time with the young Mel Gibson.
Too much time, say critics. But these are the same critics conspiracy
theorists who question Huma Adebin’s relationship to Hillary Clinton
and question Ms. Clinton’s perfect health. Why can’t these critics let
a pair of sleeping dogs lie?
Twain said a lot of things that ended up on the internet. When he posted
them on Facebook, some of these great quotes got mangled or misunderstood.
Many of them got twisted to fit some agenda. When Mark Twain mentioned
a raft trip some guy named Tuck once took down the Mississippi River,
that quote got mangled thus: “Facebook is for Folks Floating through
Life on a Selfie Inflated Raft.” Ridiculous, right?
Another popular Mark Twain quote has Mark say: “Ask not what your Facebook
can do for you, but what YOU can do for your Facebook.” Everyone knows
that John F. Kennedy said that just days before he was assassinated in
Newtown, Connecticut. Sadly JFK was shot from the Sandy Hook School
Book Depository, while visiting the children there, on the ONLY day in
years that the asbestos-filled elementary school was open.
Many conspiracy theories have been debunked, but rarely on Facebook. “Facebook
is for Infantile Folks Too Damn Retarded to Read any Real Books,” is another
popular Mark Twain quote, since debunked. Twain was the Original
Social Justice Warrior (SJW) and so he would never have used the word
"retarded." Although Twain popularized the word "nigger" in American literature,
long before Black hip hop gangstas used it simply to demean their own
race.
Sometimes we realize that world history is filled with very real conspiracies,
and bestselling authors like Mark Twain and Tom Clancy are indeed correct.
Many of these conspiracies changed actual history. Did plotters really
kill Julius Caesar, as conspiracy theorist William Shakespeare suggests,
and was Cleopatra really behind it? The only two people in America who
really know the Truth about Cleopatra are that wonderfully well- informed
couple, Ward and June Snopes.
Douglas Alan Herman co-authored the historical, true crime novel, The
Guns of Dallas, along with his favorite ghost writer, Mark Twain.
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