- Recently, Susan, an old friend of Gwen the Beautiful's,
called her about something I'd written in this space. "Wow,"
she said. "Larry's really taking a chance here. He's being so honest
about himself. Doesn't that scare him?"
-
- When Gwen told me about this all I could do was shake
my head.
-
- "'Taking a chance' by writing about what I think
and feel?" I said. "What kind of chance? What's she talking about?"
-
- Gwen smiled. "Well, it's kind of a risk, don't you
think? Letting people know who you really are?"
-
- "But that's what writers do."
-
- "Do they?" Gwen said. "When you were writing
television, did you write about yourself? Did you express your real thoughts
and feelings? Didn't you say to me - more than once - that you thought
the reason places like NBC and CBS and ABC paid so much more than book
and magazine publishers and stageplay producers was because they were trying
to make up for making writers spend so much time making up lies?"
-
- Well, of course Gwen was right.
-
- I've harangued more than my share of listeners with complaints
about how in TV and film writers are nothing but glorified stenographers,
writing what the executives tell them to, instead of creating their own
unique visions of the world.
-
- And, yes, when I started writing books and columns and
blogs the first thing I celebrated was the freedom to not only express
myself the way I wanted, but to reveal my inner being as well. Because
I figure it's the job of every writer - every artist, actually - to present
the world as he or she sees it so that the audience can enjoy and understand
more about life by experiencing it from someone else's point of view. A
kind of "walk a mile in my shoes" kind of thing.
-
- Let me repeat that: I celebrated it.
-
- Never thought - not once! - to be afraid.
-
- But Susan's not the only one who's pointed out to me
that self-expression is inherently dangerous. I get a lot of e-mail from
positive readers who comment on how amazed they are at the flak they see
me taking from negative readers.
-
- And there's the matter of those negative types themselves.
I never know when one is going to strike, with an e-mail or a blog comment
or a forum post that lets me know what a sorry, stupid, crazy, imperceptive,
untalented excuse for a specimen of humanity I am.
-
- If I had any worries about my ego getting out of hand,
hey, no way.
-
- Years ago, I had a dream. In it I was having a conversation
in which I was trying desperately to figure out what the other person wanted
to hear so I could say it to him.
-
- I awoke in a panic, realizing that for most of my life
I'd been doing just that with most people. Because I wanted something from
them. Sometimes I wanted a job, sometimes a favor. Sometimes I wanted them
to stop hurting me. And sometimes I just plain wanted them to like me.
-
- I figured that by saying what they wanted to hear - by
in effect becoming who they wanted me to be - I'd achieve my goal.
-
- And most of the time I did. But what a cost. I paid for
what I got by losing - me.
-
- So what really is the risk here when I write what comes
directly from my heart? That someone won't like what I'm saying and, therefore,
won't like me? That I'll be cut out of the herd for not agreeing with the
majority, for revealing that I'm different somehow?
-
- Will they take away everything I own? Draw and quarter
me?
-
- Probably not. And if they do, I'll still have the most
precious gift life gives us.
-
- I'll still have my soul.
-
- The way I see it, real honesty starts with the way we
view ourselves. Does being honest with and about ourselves really make
people vulnerable? In my experience, it makes us stronger instead. Honesty
leads to acceptance, and once we've accepted ourselves, we can love ourselves.
-
- And once we love ourselves, what can it matter what anyone
else thinks, says, or does?
-
- Unless that someone else is a reader of these words.
Because here's more honesty from Larry B:
-
- Every time I write something it's like opening a vein.
I can't always practice what I preach. My life's blood and my soul are
in your hands.
-
- Be gentle, OK?
-
-
- Copyright C 2007 by Larry Brody. All rights reserved.
-
- Author Larry Brody's weekly column, LIVE! FROM PARADISE!
appears on his website, www.larrybrody.com. He has written thousands
of hours of network television, and is the author of "Television Writing
from the Inside Out" and "Turning Points in Television."
Brody is Creative Director of The Cloud Creek Institute for the Arts, the
world's first in-residence media colony. More about his activities can
be seen on www.tvwriter.com and www.cloudcreek.org. He welcomes
your comments and feedback at LarryBrody@cloudcreek.org. Brody, his wife
and their dogs, cats, horses and chickens live in Marion County, Arkansas.
The other residents of the mythical town of Paradise reside in his imagination.
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