- Just about every man I know agrees that the four most
terrifying words in the English language are: "We've got to talk."
-
- Invariably, they are uttered by a woman we love. Just
as invariably, they mean, "You're bugging the teeth right out of my
mouth, and I want you to stop."
-
- To the women we love, this is a simple statement of a
need to communicate in order to keep the relationship on track.
-
- To men, it's a declaration that means, "Get ready,
boy, 'cuz I'm about to make your soul bleed."
-
- I don't think anyone's going to deny the importance of
making our needs, desires and intentions clear to each other. But I worry
about how difficult it is. How many of us really understand what the next
person is trying to say?
-
- Take the "We've got to talk" situation. The
other day, as I stepped out of the shower, Gwen the Beautiful greeted me
with those very words. Immediately, my body tensed. My chest tightened.
My pulse raced. I came up with a quick list of 150 things I've done wrong
lately, ranging from working too hard and not giving her all the attention
I should to still not turning up the heat although she'd asked me to an
hour ago.
-
- I expected - make that assumed - the worst.
-
- "It's the new filing cabinet you bought," Gwen
went on. "The one that's supposed to look like an old trunk. It's
acting like an old trunk, too. The bottom drawer sticks, and I can't find
the WD 40. When you get a chance can you give it a spritz?"
-
- My budding fear and building anger retreated. My body
relaxed. I wrapped my towel around me securely and went downstairs to get
the WD 40 and turn up the heat.
-
- All was right with our world after all. But it sure was
a close call.
-
- Later that day, I saw another example of two people just
not getting each other. Gwen and I were walking through the Paradise Town
Square when we heard raised voices.
-
- "I'm just saying, 'here's how you do it!'"
-
- "And I'm saying I'm tired of you telling me to do
things your way all the time!"
-
- We turned to see Uncle Ernie and his cousin, Jimmy Blue,
sharing a bench. Jimmy Blue was carving what looked to be a walking stick.
Uncle Ernie was, well, here's how he put it:
-
- "I'm not telling you to do it my way. I'm saying
that's the way to do it!"
-
- "A way, maybe. Not the way!" said Jimmy Blue.
-
- "Ain't that what I said?"
-
- I took a couple of steps toward them. About to say, "Um
not really " But Gwen took a firm grip on my arm.
-
- "Burl Jr.'s waiting for us at the music store,"
she said.
-
- When we got home, another failure to communicate stared
me in the face. Huck the Spotless Appaloosa was digging around the corral
for some spilled grain. He had a rhythm going, digging with his front hooves,
then lowering his head to the ground to pick up what he'd loosened with
those amazingly sensitive horse lips.
-
- At the front door, Emmy the Bold spotted him and took
off, barking and leaping at the big guy. Because in dog language Huck was
performing the "bow" that dogs do when they want to play, and
she was happy to oblige.
-
- But Huck didn't see it that way. In horse language Emmy's
behavior was an attack. He reared up and galloped away. Emmy gave chase.
So did I. As we passed Elaine the Not So Wild Mustang, she shook her head.
This wasn't the first time she'd seen this particular scene.
-
- I'll spare you the details of what came next, except
to say that this morning as I contemplate my new bruises and aches I'm
thinking about how much better off dogs and horses would be if they could
learn not to jump the gun. If they could watch each other, and listen,
and try to understand what's really going down before they react.
-
- Which brings me to where I am now. Trying to teach myself
to slow down and do the same. So that someday when Gwen says, "We've
got to talk," I'll be able to relax and listen with pleasure to what
she's really got to say.
-
-
-
- Copyright C 2007 by Larry Brody. All rights reserved.
-
- Author Larry Brody's weekly column, LIVE! FROM PARADISE!
appears on his website, www.larrybrody.com. He has written thousands of
hours of network television, and is the author of "Television Writing
from the Inside Out" and "Turning Points in Television."
Brody is Creative Director of The Cloud Creek Institute for the Arts, the
world's first in-residence media colony. More about his activities can
be seen on www.tvwriter.com and www.cloudcreek.org. He welcomes your comments
and feedback at <mailto:LarryBrody@cloudcreek.org>LarryBrody@cloudcreek.org.
Brody, his wife and their dogs, cats, horses and chickens live in Marion
County, Arkansas. The other residents of the mythical town of Paradise
reside in his imagination.
|
