Crashing The Oscars -
How To Make A
Fake Press Pass

By Douglas Herman
Exclusive To
Soooo, you want to get into that exclusive nightclub in your town? You want to interview that major drug kingpin (love that word, kingpin) who rules the urban slum in your city? You want to talk to your US Senator when he or she schedules a speaking tour through your bumpstop town?
Well, you need a handy-dandy press pass. With a few easily obtainable materials, purchased at any office supply store, you too can pose as a reporter from the Mainstream Media!
Not that posing as a reporter is difficult to do. Thousands do it everyday. Most of these posers actually get paid by huge pulp consumers called newspapers. But you too can pose just as well-or Better!-than anyone with a pad and pen or tape recorder.
Okay. First of all, ask yourself WHY you would want to pose as a reporter? Do you have a need to know, a desire to investigate, a hunger to probe the dark side of the human mind and write about it?
Because, once you assume the mantle of ace-reporter, don the cloak of freelance journalist, buckle the belt of cloak-and-dagger literary investigator, beware. You just might actually become one.
Ten years ago, while living in LA, I met a reporter who loved to crash parties. And LA always had lots of parties (still does) every night. How did Holden do it? Why he simply called up the venue where the party, film premiere, charity benefit, celebrity gala or awards ceremony was being held and had his name added to the list.
Not as a guest but as a member of the MEDIA.
Amazingly, Holden (not his real name) always got inside, and sometimes I would go along as his trusty Sancho Panza. Once we even carried bulky cameras into an extraganza and filmed it, complete with interviews. Guests couldn't wait to be "captured on film." They literally fell all over themselves trying to get in front of the camera.
Holden showed me his press passes and I was amazed that he could pass through the velvet ropes almost without pause. Using these simple bits of laminated paper, together with a passport photo, Holden could get a person inside almost any event.
So how do we make them, you say? Easy.
But is it legal, you ask? Not sure, I answer.
Could we be arrested, you ask? Probably, but then you could be arrested for peacefully protesting with Cindy Sheehan. What was her crime?
Is it legal to gather information, misrepresenting yourself? If so, all intelligence agencies are guilty. At this moment, your very own government is illegally gathering information and not ONE person involved in the crime has been arrested. In fact, as public servants of YOU (you pay them after all), our leaders defend their right to spy on you, pry into YOUR personal life.
So boogie on down to the local office supply depot. Get a large sheet of plastic laminate. Maybe get two. Because once you start laminating things you might not stop.
Get a couple passport photos or, better yet, duck into one of those booths at the arcade. Pay and pose and pay again until you get the look you want. Or sort through your favorite photos and find one you like with a neutral background.
Next cut the picture about two inches square. Make sure the job is neat. Even better, cruise on over to the local Kinkos and use their handy cutterboard to make a professional-looking job.
Having fun yet? Feeling kinda sleuthy?
Okay. Now sit down before your computer or at the computer in the local library. You need a computer with a printer. Go to Word Processing and begin to write
You need to write the words, MEDIA and maybe the date (see photos) and, of course, your name and who you pretend to work for. I chose the Kodiak Daily Mirror because I've actually sold a couple of freelance columns to them. And I chose the Los Angeles Times because I used to read the paper religiously, even appeared in their pages a couple of times, and I liked the look of their masthead fount.
But do these fake press passes work, you ask?
Sure they do!  On a recent trip across the USA I posed as a working journalist in Alabama, New Orleans and Galveston, Texas. The beautifully laminated press pass worked every time. People want to talk to you, they really do.
In New Orleans I breezed up to a patrol car on my mountain bike, in the demolished Ninth Ward, and flashed my Kodiak Daily Mirror press pass and started asking questions. Even had my handy-dandy tape recorder and pen and pad. The bored officers were only too happy to respond to any and all questions.
Another wonderful attribute of a fake (or real!) press pass is that it might save your hide-except in Iraq where journalists are convenient moving targets.  If you find yourself in some bad neighborhood in any other city of the world, you might flash a press pass and escape with a great story.
Seems everyone wants to be a journalist, even if they have to fake it. Like those two US Secret Service fellows who flashed fake press passes and said they were---you guessed it---reporters for Fox.
But don't be surprised if you suddenly find yourself transformed. You may never become accepted by the mainstream media but is that a bad thing? Instead, you might just become what you aspire to be: A damn good journalist. Indeed, you might find yourself taking a measure of pride in what you write, and not content to be the next great imposter.
Genius, poseur or great imposter, Douglas Herman writes for Rense and is the author of The Guns of Dallas.



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