By Judy Andreas
For some time now, I have had a strong desire to write an essay about relationships. What was stopping me was that I knew nothing about them. Sure...I've had relationships ...more than I care to mention, and two marriages as well. (I guess they too classify as relationships) In other words, I had thoroughly researched the topic. But what did I learn?
As part of my research, I occasionally listened to what "they" say. I haven't a clue who "they" are...but "they" seem to have a lot to say about things ...and people must respect them because "they" are always being quoted. "They" say that you teach what you need to learn. I guess that makes sense....but I am only guessing. In all honesty, why would you would teach what you have not yourself mastered ? But, obviously, everyone is doing it. The bookstore shelves are overflowing with people who know nothing about relationships and are still writing about them.
It's really too bad that the "planet thing" has already been used. I would like to write a book called "Women are from Nebiru and Men are from Uranus." Pardon me, I saw an opportunity for a pun and I carpe diemed it. Actually, I happen to like men and am certainly not faulting them for the course of true love not running smoothly.
Did you ever wonder why some couples can make a "go" of it, while other couples merely "go" from it?
Obviously, nobody knows what's going on behind closed doors, sometimes not even the members of the couple. When my daughter was 3 years old, her father and I belonged to a baby-sitting cooperative. It was a wonderful way to go out and avoid paying costly baby-sitting fees. The members of the pool would baby-sit for one another. When the couple returned from their night on the town, the husband walked the sitter home. On one occasion, after I finished sitting for Couple X. and as the husband prepared to leave, he and his wife passionately embraced. She said "Hurry home, darling" I tried not to giggle, since we were only walking to the next building. Less than two months later, couple X were two singles. Y? Don't ask me. Perhaps the "hurry home" was prompted by Mr. X's tendency to make other (ahem) stops. Things are not always as they appear.
When I was in my early 20's I was called a "raven haired beauty" In the deepest part of me, I was sure that people were talking about somebody else. My physical appearance was my asset and yet , even in the foolishness of youth, I knew that it was a fleeting one. Under the wrappings....the package was empty. Two marriages, three children, and assorted laugh lines later, I embarked on a very different mission; to develop my inners and forget whether or not I was having a "good hair day."
In my late teens I became interested in the "mind" and voraciously read the works of Wilhelm Reich and Carl Jung . In my 30's I took the short trip from Carl Jung to metaphysics. Books became appendages and, as time would permit, my nose was well placed between the pages. Armed with some cursory knowledge and questions, I set out on a journey along the spiritual path. Somewhere in the distance, the promise of enlightenment dangled like the proverbial carrot.
Later on, however, I realized that the promise of "enlightenment" had been merely a drug to dull the pain of existential loneliness. I concluded that all drugs, including the drug of "relationship" were an attempt to break free of the illusion of the separate self. But...hold on a minute...... I am defying the law of physics and getting ahead of myself.
When we think of relationship....we create a picture of that "special someone"....the companion who is going to nurture us and soothe the eternal ache. We think of ecstatic sexual union in which the two become one. We fantasize an end to the sense of separation, alienation and isolation. In most cases, we set ourselves up for failure. Our gauge is on "empty" and another being cannot to fill the isolation tank. In an effort to feel complete, people often enter into relationships that are cruel both mentally and physically while making excuses that even they must find repugnant. Allowing oneself to be treated with anything less than reverence, cannot be dismissed with such cliches as:
"She had a tough childhood."
We hurt and hurt back and allow shallow motivation and unconscious desires to drive our vehicles into the abyss of codependency. Perhaps, if we could look beyond our own selfish needs.....we might find that, as Moulder said "the truth is out there." And ..the truth is more incredible than the most satisfying orgasm. Can you accept that we are in relationship with everyone and everything on this planet? (Yes....even George Bush) Not only are we in relationship, but, if you will allow me a mystical moment (or more) ...we are part of everything and everyone on this planet. That's not an easy concept for most. The initial leap is believing it. The harder part is living it.
Can you look at pictures of mutilated babies in Iraq and realize that they are the flesh of your flesh? Even more challenging, can you look at the ruling elite and apply the same rules?
David Icke, in Tales From the Time Loop, states "Infinite love is the only truth-everything else is illusion." It is easy for many to dismiss these words as new age drivel....but that would be sadly missing the mark. These words contain "the biggest secret." Once we come into that state of "infinite love" differences begin to burst like the proverbial bubble. The "many" becomes the "one." The particle becomes the wave.
Icke, through his ingestion of a plant called ayahuasca, had an experience of oneness.
"I had no body, I was only consciousness, and I was everything. There were no divisions and no polarities."
He concludes "If only people could experience the bliss of Oneness the world of the five-senses would be transformed in an instant."
Most people have a hard time understanding the real meaning of the word "love" no less experiencing it. They confuse a state of being with the fleeting euphoria of romantic love and, ultimately, scratch the head of confusion as romantic love becomes bickering and separation. The definition of "Romantic Love" too often contains a hidden agenda "what's in it for me?" rather than "what's in it for you?" Authentic love builds bridges rather than bombs them.
Mr. and Mrs. Right is a sitcom whose time has passed. We are at a critical point in history and the window of opportunity is about to close on our pointing, accusing finger of blame.
Are we a doomed species or is there still hope? Is it possible for us to extend the boundaries of consciousness? Can we look at one another, despite differences in color, size, shape and age, and see only the sacred and the reverential. Is it possible for us to open our minds and hearts and souls to all sentient beings and accept our true relationship with everything and everyone on this planet? The choice is ours.
Copyright 2004: Judy Andreas



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