- "Stupid people love Bush" new study proves
According to the prestigious Southern California think tank, The Gluton
Group, stupid people prefer President George W Bush over Senator John Kerry
by a 4-to-1 margin. As Chief Resident Dr. Louis Friend characterized the
results of the research, "the less intelligent you are, the more you
like Bush." This landmark study, conducted over a 5 month period,
involved 2400 likely voters bridging all economic stratas in the 17 states
generally considered up for grabs on November 2nd. Participants were tested
for intelligence, then asked to fill out a 12 page series of questions
involving the Presidential candidates with results released earlier this
- The consensus: the higher the IQ, the less people trust
Bush and respect the job his administration has done. The lower the IQ,
the more people admire his steadfastness. "It was pretty much a slam
dunk. There's no nice way to say this. Dumb people like him. They think
his unwavering nature is a positive personality trait. They even venerate
him for never admitting mistakes, even when he's wrong. On the other hand,
smart people think he's a lying bully. I mean, c'mon, you have a deserter
accusing a decorated veteran of treason. Who's going to buy that besides
- Preliminary results:
- IQ Above 140: Kerry 80%, Bush 20%.
- 120-140: Kerry 65%, Bush 35%.
- 100-120: Kerry 54%, Bush 46%.
- 80-100: Bush 54%, Kerry 46%.
- 60-80: Bush 60%, Kerry 15%, Dale Earnhardt Jr. 25%.
- Apparently, Bush's good-evil, black-white philosophy
resonates on an inverse relationship with higher education, whereas it
became evident over the period of analysis that John Kerry's nuanced arguments
are only understood by people who paid attention in any class above the
- Doctor Friend elaborated: "It has to do with intellectual
curiosity. Folks see Bush in front of a stream talking about the environment
and they assume he's in favor of it, even though if you read his legislation,
I'd be surprised to hear him endorse shade. This also explains why Bush
gets away with pretending he doesn't know how the Senate works, allowing
him to call Kerry a flip-flopper."
- Friend released evidence that this type of disconnect
exists across the board: education, foreign policy, the economy, post 9-11
security response and State Dinner entertainment choices. Also discovered
was a direct correlation between the number of preset Country Western stations
on car radios and Bush's approval rating. Dr. Friend attributes this phenomena
to the simplicity inherent in the messages indigenous to both. Classical
music listeners were preponderantly Kerry supporters, but surprisingly,
on heavy metal, the two split down the middle.
- Spotting a trend, Friend cautioned, "Because of
the deterioration in public education, larger and larger segments of the
population are creeping downward IQ-wise, cementing the hold Republicans
have on the electorate." However, if the election were held today,
Bush would hold a lead of 52-48 in the popular vote, but would be virtually
tied in the Electoral College, which Bush supporters argue against because
the word College angers them. When contacted, a Kerry spokesman just chuckled.
No Bush spokesperson was made available for comment. It was also found
that Ralph Nader supporters were the brightest of all political proponents
tested, but Dr. Friend dismissed them as "too smart for their own
- In a related study, smart people prefer baseball because
the pace is such that there is time to read.
- From Jim Mortellaro
- WOW...Signal! Stupid people love Bush! Gosh. And me with
an IQ in the above 150 range. Well, I suppose Intelligence Quotient and
Intelligencia ain't what they used to be.
- OK, here we have it, in black and white. Actually it's
in black and a sort of mauve on Rense.Com, but who cares, right? Truth
is truth. And to quote a former intelligent Basball Player of noted renown
and goodly averages, "Baseball bin berry, berry good to me!"
- And the opposition, the Democrat opposition, must needs
be the most intelligent politician ever. A decorated veteran of Nam. Where
he won three purple hearts in three months. That's bravery. Of course,
not one of those purple hearts required more than a bandaid. One even ...
was awarded for a gluteous maximus ruined forever by rice. Damned good
thing the rice was cooked too or the man would never be able to sit without
- And speaking of donuts, the Fraternal Order of Police
is supporting Dubya. As is the Military. (Thank you all for your service).
- Now back to the bush. Bush, sorry. Here we have a man
who was so stupid (How stupid was he?) ... he was so stupid that he went
and liberated two countries each of which has never had a democratic government.
And now one does, the other following. Sure, lookit all the people killed.
So what? Who cares? What's in it for U.S.?
- I heard a story the other day. I am told by a reliable
white horse souse that it's true. Some woman whose name is ... uh ... Biliary
or something, is going to run for president. She's starting a new chain
of restaurants which will be called, "Lickin Chicken," which
will be selling two fat thighs, two small breasts and a left wing.
- This to raise money for her candida. Candidacy. Candidacey.
Whatever. But then, people with high I.Q.'s can;t speel. Rite?
- It is consumed. And I am consumated.