Dumber And Dumbestest
By Edgar J. Steele

"Austria? Well, then, g'day mate! Let's put another shrimp on the barby!" ( soundtrack outtake)
--- Jim Carrey as Lloyd, in Dumb and Dumber (1994)
Today, I come to you with good news, fellow Americans. We're not as dumb as we could be. After all, we could be Australians.
Last year saw released a followup to one of the most horribly stupid movies I have ever seen, Dumb and Dumber, a running body-function-gag flick about two really stupid American white guys (is there any other sort depicted in the media today?). Actually, the followup was what is known as a prequel, since its events predated the first movie (When Harold Met Lloyd, I believe, is the subtitle). I admit that I haven't seen Dumb and Dumberer. I'm trying hard not to. Even those who liked the first movie have panned this one. I have two teenagers in the house, though. Seems inevitable that we will fall victim, but I'm still having trouble getting used to the version playing internationally, starring various Western nations.
Frankly, I have been fitting Canada for the "Dumberer" role, cast alongside today's America, what with its incredibly mindless censorship of speech (See
Hate Speech: Anything Jews Hate to Hear) and nationwide campaign of actual bookburning (seizure and destruction of anything short of Rebecca of Sunnybrook Farm, it seems, just ask Paul Fromm, who can't seem to get anything printed back over the border when he visits the US). However, a dark horse suddenly has leapt up and swept aside all other contenders: Australia.
Just as you can see the American thought control of tomorrow afoot in Canada today, so can you see tomorrow's American gun control at work in Australia. And it's so ludicrous that it would be ROTFLMAOWHMS funny, if only it weren't true. Australia just outlawed swords...and knives...and sticks! And bulletproof vests, believe it or not (guess they don't want their police to be wasting any more bullets on the citizenry than absolutely necessary). Here's a link to an article about it:
Swords Banned in Australia
You probably already know that, two years ago, Australia banned all personal firearms. You might recall having seen the huge piles of guns being run over by bulldozers and then fed through industrial-strength Mixmasters. Glocks into plowshares, sort of.
Maybe it has something to do with that hole in the ozone layer down there - too many gamma rays, or something.
When a list member sent me the article mentioned above, I immediately modified it for the logical conclusion of this farcical endeavor and sent it on to my joke list. For comic relief, I have uploaded it and you may retrieve it here:
Rocks Banned In Australia
Gun control is something I never have been able to fathom. America's founders got it, though - that's why they wrote the Second Amendment.
Imagine you live in a neighborhood where everybody is armed. All the neighborhoods around you are armed to the teeth, too. You decide you don't like all the killing. Using prevailing logic, you call for a vote, espousing the benefits of a gun-free neighborhood and your suggestion passes. You go door to door, collecting all the guns. So far, fine... in theory. (Of course, things invariably go amiss with theories because they so often require laboratory conditions.)
Of course, the occupants of several houses on your street merely hide their guns and continue to use them at night for their routine rape, robbery and general mayhem. In fact, those desperados become even bolder, now breaking into houses when people are home, since they know nobody else has guns. And hoodlums from other 'hoods come around for the easy pickings. Crime actually goes up, but you act all confused, pretending not to know why: "Good thing we collected all them guns, else who knows just how bad things might be around here."
Then, one of your neighbors, now without a gun, takes his military dress sword down from over the mantle where he hung it after he got home from serving his country, goes next door and skewers his neighbor for having molested his little boy.
In the face of this crime wave, what do you do? Obviously, you ban swords, that's what you do. Gamma rays, I tell you. It's gotta be the gamma rays.
Too bad Japan didn't think to ban atomic bombs back in the early 1940s. Maybe Spain will wake up and ban train bombs now.
Sometimes I really understand how Gulliver must have felt.
For those still able to think for themselves (that's most everybody on this list, by the way), let's review a bit of history:
In 1911, Turkey banned guns. During the next 2 years, 1.5 million Armenians were executed.
In 1929, the Soviets banned guns. During the next 25 years, at least 20 million Christians were executed.
In 1935, China banned guns. During the next 15 years, 20 million (that they admit to) political dissidents were executed.
In 1938, Germany banned guns. During the next 7 years, 8 million people were executed (13 million if you believe in the joke that the Holocaust has become).
In 1956, Cambodia banned guns. During the next 20 years, 1 million educated citizens were executed.
In 1964, Guatemala banned guns. During the next 15 years, 100,000 Mayans were executed.
In 1970, Uganda banned guns. During the next 10 years, 300,000 Christians were executed.
Do you see a pattern emerging here?
For those not keeping score at home, last century that's at least 50 million defenseless-because-they-had-been-disarmed people, predominantly political dissidents, who were slaughtered by their own governments. Not that Australia would do that sort of thing, of course. But, then...there's those gamma rays.
Australian assaults were up 9% just in the first year following the gun ban. Homicides with firearms alone were up 300% in the state of Victoria that first year. While declining steadily during the years leading up to the Australian gun ban, during the very first year afterwards, armed robberies skyrocketed by 44%. Break ins and elderly assaults have also spiked upwards. Australian politicians simply can't explain the basis for the recent crime wave, so they did the most logical thing: they banned swords, of course. Gamma rays, don't forget.
Remember I said that America's gun control of tomorrow can be seen on display in Australia today, before you get too smug about things. Just as the lesser of two evils is still evil (think George the Second), so is the less dumb of dumb and dumber still dumb.
Followers of my rants know exactly where I am going to point the finger of blame now, don't you? Well, actually, let me simply lift the curtain on the Chosen pointing the finger at themselves: "Gun control and Judaism have always gone hand in hand. Jewish politicians, including Schumer and Democratic Sens. Frank Lautenberg of New Jersey and Dianne Feinstein of California are at the forefront of the battle in Congress. Lautenberg, in fact, sponsored the bill that was adopted last week by the Senate.
Gunning For A New Life, James D. Besser, The Jewish Week (May 28, 1999).
The same tribe is responsible for what just happened in Australia, of course.
There's a reason my pickup has the following bumper sticker: "Fight crime. Shoot back!"
We don't get much in the way of gamma rays here in North Idaho, you see.
New America. An idea whose time has come.
"I didn't say it would be easy. I just said it would be the truth." - Morpheus
Copyright 2004, Edgar J. Steele
Forward as you wish. Permission is granted to circulate among private individuals and groups, post on all Internet sites and publish in full in all not-for-profit publications. Contact author for all other rights, which are reserved.



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