- President of the United States
- The White House, USA
- EDUCATION AND EXPERIENCE:
- COLLEGE: I graduated from Yale University. I was a cheerleader.
I also graduated from Harvard with "C" averages in both schools.
- LAW ENFORCEMENT: I was arrested in Kennebunkport, Maine
in 1976 for driving under the influence of alcohol. I pled guilty, paid
a fine, and had my driver's license suspended for 30 days. My Texas driving
record has been "lost" and is not available.
- MILITARY: I joined the Texas Air National Guard and went
AWOL. I refused to take a drug test or answer any questions about my drug
use. By joining the Texas Air National Guard, I was able to avoid combat
duty in Vietnam.
- PAST WORK EXPERIENCE:
- I ran for U.S. Congress and lost.
- I began my career in the oil business in Midland,
Texas in 1975. I bought an oil company, but couldn't find any oil in Texas.
The company went bankrupt shortly after I sold all my stock.
- I bought the Texas Rangers baseball team in a sweetheart
deal that took land using taxpayer money.
- With the help of my father and our right-wing friends
in the oil industry (including Enron CEO Ken Lay), I was elected Governor
- ACCOMPLISHMENTS AS GOVERNOR:
- I changed Texas pollution laws to favor power and
oil companies, making Texas the most polluted state in the Union. During
my tenure, Houston replaced Los Angeles as the most smog-ridden city in
- I cut taxes and bankrupted the Texas treasury to the
tune of billions in borrowed money.
- I set the record for the most executions by any Governor
in American history.
- With the help of my brother, the Governor of Florida,
and my father's appointments to the Supreme Court, I became President after
losing by over 500,000 votes.
- ACCOMPLISHMENTS AS PRESIDENT:
- I invaded and occupied two countries at a continuing
cost of over one billion dollars per week.
- I spent the U.S. surplus and effectively bankrupted
the U.S. Treasury, totaling over a trillion dollars.
- I shattered the record for the largest annual deficit
in U.S. history.
- I set an economic record for most private bankruptcies
filed in any 12-month period.
- I set the all-time record for the biggest drop in the
history of the U.S. stock market.
- I am the first president in U.S. history to enter office
with a criminal record.
- I set the all-time record for most days on vacation in
any one year period.
- After taking-off the entire month of August, 2001, I
presided over the worst security failure in U.S. history.
- I am supporting development of a nuclear "Tactical
Bunker Buster," a WMD.
- In my State Of The Union Address, I lied about our reasons
for attacking Iraq, then blamed the lies on our British friends.
- I set the record for most campaign fund-raising trips
by a U.S. president.
- In my first year in office over 2-million Americans lost
their jobs and that trend
- continues every month.
- I set the all-time record for most foreclosures in
a 12-month period.
- I appointed more convicted criminals to the administration
than any president in U.S. history.
- I set the record for least number of press conferences
than any president since the advent of television.
- I presided over the biggest energy crisis in U.S. history
and refused to intervene when corruption involving the oil industry was
- I presided over the highest gasoline prices in U.S. history.
- I have cut health care benefits for war veterans and
support a cut in duty benefits for active military personnel
- I have set the all-time record for most people worldwide
to simultaneously protest me in public venues (15 million people) shattering
the record for protest against any person in the history of mankind.
- I've broken more international treaties than any president
in U.S. history.
- I'm proud that the members of my cabinet are the richest
- "poorest millionaire," Condoleeza Rice, has
a Chevron oil tanker named after her.
- I am the first president in U.S. history to order an
unprovoked, pre-emptive attack and the military occupation of a sovereign
nation. I did so against the will of the United Nations, the majority
of U.S. citizens, and the world community.
- I created the Ministry of Homeland Security, the largest
bureaucracy in the history of the United States government.
- I am the first president in U.S. history to have the
United Nations remove the U.S. from the Human Rights Commission.
- I withdrew the U.S. from the World Court of Law.
- I refused to allow inspectors access to U.S. prisoners
of war" detainees) and thereby have refused to abide by the Geneva
- I am the first president in history to refuse United
Nations election inspectors (during the 2002 U.S. election).
- I am the all-time U.S. and world record-holder for receipt
of corporate campaign donations.
- My largest lifetime campaign contributor, and one of
my best friends, Kenneth Lay, presided over the largest corporate bankruptcy
fraud in U.S. history. My political party used the Enron private jets and
corporate attorneys to assure my
- success with the U.S. Supreme Court during my election
- I have protected my friends at Enron and Halliburton
against investigation or
- prosecution. More time and money was spent investigating
the Monica Lewinsky affair than has been spent investigating one of the
biggest corporate rip-offs in history.
- I garnered the most sympathy for the U.S. after the World
Trade Center attacks and less than a year later made the U.S. the most
hated country in the world, the largest failure of diplomacy in world
- I am first president in history to have a majority of
Europeans (71%) view my presidency as the biggest threat to world peace
- I changed the U.S. policy to allow convicted criminals
to be awarded government contracts.
- I have so far failed to fulfill my pledge to bring Osama
Bin Laden to justice, although the army finally found Saddam Hussein.
- RECORDS AND REFERENCES:
- All records of my tenure as Governor of Texas are now
in my father's library, sealed, and unavailable for public view.
- All records of SEC investigations into my insider trading
and my bankrupt companies are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public
- All records or minutes from meetings that I, or my Vice-President,
attended regarding public energy policy are sealed in secrecy and unavailable
for public review.
- Please consider my experience when voting in 2004