- LOS ANGELES -- Thank heavens
George W. Bush is a Compassionate Conservative.' What if we'd actually
screwed up and gotten the other kind?
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- You know, that uptight hypocritical self-righteous HUAC/Watergate/Iran-Contra
Precious Bodily Fluids' bunch with the bitter religious friends who see
a few witch dunkings and an occasional holy war as good for the national
soul?
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- The ultra-rich, cynical types who know that sex sells
but fear gets you re-elected? The sort to whom a free election' is just
another form of hostile corporate takeover? The kind who'll proudly photo-op
with our brave troops on Fox News while screwing them out of their pay
raise?
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- Those Conservatives?
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- Wow, we're damned lucky we got the Compassionate ones...
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- If we'd got that other bunch to run the country they'd
probably have us in a trumped up war by now as their rich corporate buddies
looted the national treasure.
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- Nothing like that going on here...relax, no problem...everything
is fair and balanced.
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- Ever notice nobody ever had to run as a Compassionate
Liberal?'
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- Fortunately for all of us, just after 9/11, Mr. Bush
and Congress quietly passed the "Lying S.O.B. Act." This little-understood
legislation, approved by voice vote in the dark of night, assures the President
and his men full latitude in their "War on Reality."
-
- For generations the Republicans have said the only thing
wrong with America is all those pesky Liberal reporters and their stupid,
disloyal questions. Now they don't even have to cross their fingers behind
them as they make up an answer.
-
- The Bush folks stand ready on a minute's notice to boldly
go on national TV and deny anything that actually happened if it could
hurt their President's approval rating. They imply this is all God's work,
but when you strip away all the flag waving and holy rolling, they're pretty
much just like all con men, but with deployed troops.
-
- To the Bush people, Crisis Management' isn't about dealing
with the actual crisis, but knowing how to carefully grab the media and
shape public indifference to avoid taking the blame. So far it's been almost
a complete success.
-
- A little thing like the truth will never get in the way
of Mr. Bush's second term.
-
- When a child lies, it's called a fib. When a teen lies,
it's called growing pains. When a grownup lies it's called...a lie.
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- When the Bush Administration lies, it's called policy.'
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- The Bush folks actually work for the American people,
but they reject all oversight. Mr. Bush won't duscuss what he was told
about terrorism leading up to 9/11 and why he didn't prevent it. Mr. Cheney
has gone to court to hide details of meetings with his Oil Patch friends
just before the Towers fell.
-
- Mr. Rumsfeld won't talk about anything he said before
ten minutes ago. The Reverend Mr. Ashcroft is going on the road to demand
an even stronger USA Patriot Act, but won't discuss Justice Dept. failures
in the pre-9/11 era, or questionable moves since that may invalidate future
terror prosecutions.
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- The new Bush redacted version of the US Constitution
will fit on a postage stamp.
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- The pursuit of happiness' will be downgraded to a chance
to watch its limo speed by on the way to a Bohemian Grove cookout. If you
never heard of the Bohemian Grove, or the Skull and Bones, then you probably
still think we're a nation of laws. In America today, some animals are
more equal than others. Big Money can do that for you.
-
- Success for today's neo-conservatives is all about appearing
upbeat.'
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- The war is a disaster, but Mr. Bush is upbeat. The economy
and unemployment suck, but Mr. Bush is upbeat. His poll numbers are tanking,
but Mr. Bush is upbeat. The 9/11 terrorists he promised to catch are free
and coming back, but Mr. Bush is upbeat.
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- To listen to him you'd think he wasn't actually involved
at all. Perhaps he's not.
-
- Mr. Bush is the latest in a string of Republican "Photo-Presidents."
Mr. Nixon was the last guy clearly in command, and his people dutifully
followed him off the Watergate cliff, like grateful lemmings in grey suits.
Mr. Ford, Mr. Reagan, Bushes 41 and 43 clearly are just front men, and
all have been fully staffed,' which is wonkspeak for committee leadership.'
Imagine ten shady characters actually calling the shots backstage. They
have the combined net worth of South America, and the combined IQ of Dan
Quayle.
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- Everybody hailed the unique Reagan Style' of White House
management, but then we all woke up one morning in 1987 to discover the
Gipper was just a nice old actor and some oddball Marine Lt. Colonel was
actually in charge of our failed US foreign policy. Bush 41 was out of
that loop.' Bush 43 has the spark and vitality of a man who lets others
do his worrying. Who these secret people' are and what they said and did
in his name in this tortured year will doubtless be the subject of a lot
of future legalities.
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- Mr. Bush is bullish on America. Mr. Bush's whole team
is just full of bullish.
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- Nobody is more bullish on Iraq than its ruling tribune,
L. Paul Bremer, III.
-
- To listen to him you have to wonder if he's in the same
Baghdad they talk about on the news. Mr. Bremer's Iraq is right on track
and headed to glory.
-
- He runs something called the Coalition Provisional Authority
(CPA).
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- You can visit his web site at: http://cpa-iraq.org/.
It too is very upbeat, like if the Junior Chamber of Commerce had a field
office in Hell. All bullish, all the time! Fair and balanced. Fair and
balanced.
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- It was a just another typical Summer week in Baghdad
for Mr. Bremer. It's a balmy 122 degrees in the shade at noon, and the
living and dying are easy.
-
- The new 950 km-long Iraq Oil Pipeline to Turkey opened
for business last week, then some untidy local folks blew it up twice on
Friday near Baiji, 200 km northeast of Baghdad and cut off the vital flow
of Iraqi oil profits to Halliburton. Some other upset folks also reportedly
hit a major fresh water main in Baghdad on Sunday that created an instant
urban swimming hole. Over 300,000 Iraqis are now without water for a second
day.
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- Death continued to claim US troops in ones and twos.
Mr. Bremer dismisses those behind the violence as upset former Saddam supporters.'
How he determines this is not clear. In the US, highly decorated military
vets and the parents of troops serving in Iraq have joined to call for
the kids to be brought home. Letters from the kids themselves reportedly
tell of shortages, limited water rations, and growing discontent.
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- Mr. Rumsfeld's War on the Cheap' concept lies broken
in the blowing sand.
-
- Reuters reports their respected videographer, Mazen Dana,
43, was shot dead Sunday by US troops outside Baghdad's Abu Ghurayb prison
after a mortar attack. Journalists on scene accused the troops of behaving
in a "crazy" and negligent fashion. The Pentagon said Mr. Dana's
small video camera was mistaken for a grenade launcher. Dana was the 18th
journalist to die covering the war. He leaves a wife and four kids.
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- Mr. Bremer seems well equipped for his Iraq mission and
comes from over a decade at Kissinger Associates, the shadowy despot repair
firm headed by Henry Kissinger, Mr. Nixon's former Secretary of State.
Mr. Kissinger and his people never met a ruthless dictator they didn't
like, and couldn't help, for a price.
-
- When the elderly Butchers of Tiananmen Square realized
their use of tanks and machine guns on unarmed students in 1989 wasn't
playing well in the world press, they reportedly hired Henry the K' and
his people even before all the blood had dried.
-
- Traditionally, a spin doctor' attempts to put the best
public face on a bad situation, but Mr. Bremer is trained to take obfuscation
and dissembly to a point that alters the atomic weight of reality until
it can be more easily digested. If the Manson Family had hired Kissinger
they'd not only be out of jail, they'd have their own hit cable talk show.
-
- Writing political satire used to be a noble calling.
You read the news, twisted a notion beyond reason, and concocted an implausible
ditty. The humor was in the absurdity.
-
- Lately, no matter what crackpot scheme you dream up,
you discover the Bush people have already been there. Bombastic folly,
abject stupidity, and vacant hubris are hard to send up, but as a national
agenda they seem to be working for the Republicans. They practically invented
Unrealpolitik.
-
- Consider Mr. Bush and the environment. Depending on rich
oil men to preserve America's wild lands is like hiring a pedophile to
babysit your kids. Mr. Bush still doesn't believe Global Warming exists.
The Republicans have stalled meaningful energy legislation for years as
they tie it to unnecessary drilling in the pristine Arctic National Wildlife
Refuge. They skipped mentioning that when the lights went out in the North
East last week. To the Bush people, Pristine' simply means -- we haven't
drilled there yet...
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- Remember when we were all sure Mr. Bush's term would
be a pale copy of his father's presidency? It's playing more like "Herbert
Hoover II," as Mr. Bush puts us all in hock and gives into the wiles
of that eternal temptress, Rosy Scenario. The Republicans seem convinced
America needs a good bankrupting -- financially and morally.
-
- The Bush folks talk constantly about their values and
faith in the Almighty. Indeed, they all seem to have accepted Bechtel as
their personal Savior.
-
- Whatever your views, this is going to be the most critical
election in US history, and in the 63 weeks until November 2, 2004, some
glaring questions arise:
-
- What did the President know, and when was he told to
forget he knew it?
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- Can we be governed by honest people who aren't corporate
bag men?
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- Why are we in a bottomless Iraqi holy war the whole World
tried to tell us not to start?
-
- Why do the most petty evangelical holymen' get to vet
everything Mr. Bush does?
-
- Most importantly, why can't we have a chief executive
who can clearly express a complete thought without reading from a card?
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- The people behind Mr. Bush used to be called the lunatic
fringe.' Now, they're the lunatic middle.
-
- They'll continue to bleed us of our rights and national
wealth until we stop them decisively at the ballot box.
-
- Their smarmy combination of strident greed and pious
hypocrisy has rattled down through the ages. History hasn't taught us yet
how to completely prevent them rising again, but it has shown us that what
they propose never really works, especially in a democracy...
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- The wild card in all this is still Mr. Cheney, who many
believe is actually running the show. If Americans underestimate his power,
then they don't Dick.
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- The Republicans are really counting on that...
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- _______________________________________________________
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- B. Rehak is a writer in California, and can be reached
via www.columnleft.com
-
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