Collect Call From Planet X
Do ou really want to know who's on the line?
By John Kaminski

Operator: "You have a collect call from Planet X. Will you accept the charges? Me: Duh ... who's calling? And what do they want?
Oh, come on! You've heard about Planet X. It's the new successor to the Y2K song-and-dance, another excuse to stock up on canned goods and change the curtains in the bomb shelter. Planet X, according to a hysterical spate of popular books and articles, is a celestial body some say is three times the size of Jupiter about to devastate the Earth with its gravitational chaos and cause apocalyptic "earth changes," and a "pole shift," and make lots of money for these New Age gurus preaching the ever-popular specter of agonizing apocalypse - and urging you to buy their long-lasting batteries.
I think it noteworthy to mention that as organized religion has declined in a sordid soup of sex abuse scandals and embarrassing political entanglements " not to mention embezzlement, terror and murder - the ET industry has correspondingly prospered. What is it about this sad human race that we need something invisible and fantastic to cling to, especially if it dangles us over the edge of death and destruction?
But is it real? you ask. Is Planet X really the threat to our existence some people say?
I don't even know if it's worth the time to discuss this at all ... except that there seems to be a shadowy psychological connection between the myths people choose to believe and what really happens in the actual world. It's not so much that our wildest wishes have a bearing on the outcome of actions (although this is true in some cases). Rather, what we bring down on ourselves is often a case of what we had hoped for is then developed by others as a commercial opportunity, an exploitable way to make a quick buck or two.
That's how churches got started, isn't it? As magical rituals to anesthetize our fear of death. It's the same principle fundamentalist Christians use today to support Israeli Zionists while they secretly hope their support triggers Armageddon (which will wipe out all those unrepentant Zionists who are now their allies) as God shows up in his shiny Starship New Jerusalem to spirit away the faithful - the Chosen - to that great RV in the sky, which presumably is parked in the same lot as Planet X.
It also happens in the geopolitical world, say, when a certain dark-skinned minority is totally set up and blamed for some colossal catastrophe that results in thousands of badly educated yahoos driving around in their pickup trucks looking to waste the first raghead they can find.
The truly dangerous aspect of all this is that people who choose to believe in an impending menace from outer space are, by my reckoning, many of the very same people who accept the same killer myths that threaten our survival, that the Middle East conflict is about some Book of Revelation curse rather than the mundane scam about land and money that it surely is.
Is a great horror from outer space merely an excuse, just a way to divert our attention from our own shortcomings, our own crimes, our own guilt? Or, as the true believers would have us believe, is it some strange species knowledge of what happened once before and will happen again?
I've seen members of this latter group marking off the days on their Mayan calendars, counting down to December 21, 2012, when the big "galactic synchronization" is supposed to occur, the end of the 25,000-year Mayan great cycle.
Is speculation on events so far away that if we traveled all our lives at speeds faster than we have ever reached, we still couldn't reach them ... are these subjects akin to religion, constructed to delude us into forgetting that one day all of us will shed this mortal coil and leave behind nothing but our reputations? To put that more clearly, does contemplating the death of our species or our planet somehow give us comfort in deflecting us from thinking about our own personal imminent demise, which some people insist is the true objective of all social behavior?
Or is this persistent fantasy of catastrophic death from above actually a legitimate - and evolving - astronomical syndrome that could have more impact on human history than any other single previous event? I mean, what DID take out those dinosaurs 65 million years ago?
Through the time machine in our minds comes Ronald Reagan's famous contemplation of peace: "I occasionally think how quickly our differences, worldwide, would vanish if we were facing an alien threat from outside this world."
And in the newsreel of our memories flash the Fatima prophecies, Orson Welles' "War of the Worlds" broadcast, the enduring Roswell sideshow and those enigmatic lights in the sky, not to mention the movie "E.T." and that paleontology book with the classic title, "T. Rex and the Crater of Doom."
Most perusals on matters involving outer space, lately - if they're not activities astronomers can prove are legitimate celestial events, such as the Hale Bopp or Shoemaker Levy comets, which everyone could see - have been relegated to bookstores with crystals and dragons that are frequented by middle-aged women in long skirts.
In that latter category - commonly called the New Age - a legend has grown up over the past 20 years about a mystery planet, sometimes called "Nemesis" or "Nibiru," attended by arcane biblical references and fantasies of super-intelligent space travelers. The most popular of these, the ten or so books in Zecharia Sitchin's "War in Heaven" series, have been so popular they have spawned second- and third-generation imitators and propelled the prehistoric culture of Sumer (a geographical region now generally known as Iraq) to a never-anticipated popularity.
They are also the basis of the latest Planet X craze, whether today's imitators say so or not.
None of these books, Sitchin's or anybody else's, has ever passed the science test, in the minds of the vast majority of qualified readers. Sitchin's depictions of prehistoric Mesopotamian culture are riddled with bad footnotes, spurious mistranslations and grievous physics errors that have utterly ruined his chances for scientific credibility, though these faults have not diminished his popularity among legions of would-be believers. A little pseudoscience goes a long way in the minds of P.T. Barnum's target audience.
The gross financial product of so many Sitchinesque websites, books, support groups, channelers and debunkers has reached considerable proportions, the champ of which category today appears to be a $50 book by one Mark Hazlewood called "Blindsided: Planet X Passes in 2003." That's right. Get those batteries ready.
There are many other would-be luminaries on this astral bandwagon that I won't mention here. For a look at all this outer space snake oil, I highly recommend Phil Plait's "Bad Astronomy" web page if you wish to immerse (and detox) yourself in the latest apocalyptic elixirs of a most dubious nature.
As with Sitchin (and his apostles Alford, Horne and Icke), this latest posse of poseurs could just as easily be swept away with an irritated wave of the hand, except for one small thing ... the number of people who, believing in such questionable disciplines as astrology, spirit contact, and the power of crystals, represents no small percentage of the population. And then the question becomes, again in the minds of those believers, if they believe it will happen does that mean it WILL happen?
There are two ways to become a promoter of the Planet X myth. One road runs through science that implies just an intriguing hint of spirit, while the other road meanders through the highly subjective impulses of spirit and is sweetened by just enough science to get the faithful to conclude they can't understand the subject without appealing to a higher power.
Let's dispatch the spiritual approach first because it is so transparently absurd. Let's consider the urgent communiqués of one Christos Lightweaver, which came in by e-mail today and insists:
"What is known for sure is that a large "Planet X" comet is coming in from behind the sun. (As if something could hide behind the sun.) It is being covered up/blacked-out by the controlled media but SOHO photos on the web by independent astrophysicists show it to be highly magnetic and already causing massive solar corona ejecta when it passed between Venus and the Sun. When it passes the earth it could do the same, attracting solar ejecta with effects ranging from scorching 'fire from the sky' to massive lightening (sic) storms and EMP pulses. It could also trigger the pole shift with 300 mile per hour winds, mile high tidal waves, massive earthquakes and unprecedented volcanism creating a 'nuclear winter' effect (extreme cold) for years to come."
Mr. Lightweaver attempts to appear empirically reasonable by saying: "On top of that, we've had so many disaster movies the last several years that people have been inoculated (desensitized) against the real thing." He says it's a brown dwarf star, quotes Hazlewood, and attaches himself to the post 9/11 political disquiet that is now sweeping the land. He attributes the global economic meltdown, politically expedient terror, and even quotes the recently canonized Padre Pio as sure indications that Planet X is bearing down on us, as he pathetically grasps for support with helpings of buzzwords from any discipline that catches his attention.
In addition, he borrows huge handfuls of Sitchin's mythology to support his arguments: Reptilian Anunnaki replicants are now among us, an alien super race. There are those who believe that the Anunnaki of Nibiru are coming back to Earth soon. They believe that Planet X is going to pass by Earth, in May or June of 2003, on its 3,600 year orbit around our sun. Such believers are terrified of the consequences that a close pass by Nibiru might bring. They fear this will cause earthquakes, tidal waves, severe flooding, food shortages due to climatic conditions, diseases, meteor fire storms, volcanic eruptions and the like. They are afraid that it will result in a great catastrophic infliction of loss of life on Earth.
Mr. Lightweaver also notes that Anunnaki civilization is also "interspersed in the Orion and Pleiades systems." This statement is a sure sign of a charlatan.
I love it when people do this, because they can't even figure out that constellations as seen from Earth are like pictures on a wall; they are in no way groups of stars in three dimensions because the stars comprising each constellation are all at varying distances from Earth, some much further from each other than they are from Earth. So anytime anybody uses phrases like Pleiadians, Arcturians, or the name of any other constellations, you know they're huckster idiots, despite the often alluring nature of their earthbound political commentary. Some of the best socialist political commentary I've ever read came from Commander Hatonn, once a prominent Pleiadian strategist based in Las Vegas?
Oh, yes, Mr. Lightweaver has one other piece of advice for you during the passage of Planet X, which he believes has been brought down on us by the nefarious influences of the Anunnaki agents still on Earth. What is it?
"Target the forces of Anunnaki anti-love with your Ruby Rayguns."
OK. Beyond stupid. But I'm sure he's making lots of money with this shtick.
Let's address the pseudoscientific approach, which is somewhat more realistic and alluring, as long as you don't look under the illogical rocks littering the trail.
NASA groupie Richard Hoagland reached Sitchin's class of compelling New Age vaudevillians when he convinced millions that "the face on Mars" was actually a vestige of a once-great civilization that actually lived there. Fortunately, recent NASA photos have revealed the thing for what it is - a hill with a few creases in it.
But like true hoaxers throughout history, Hoagland has moved on to bigger and better stuff, and occupies a prominent position in the new Planet X hootenanny with a brilliantly constructed sleight-of-mind explanation that attempts to utilize the new and fuzzy disciplines of hyperdimensional physics, scalar electromagnetics and celestial mechanics.
To make a long and involved story short, Hoagland insists that by using hyperdimensional geometric indicators that he discovered on Mars, which led to a new appreciation of the lost physics revelations of 18th century scientist James Clerk Maxwell, called questionable quarternions, plus a photograph indicating a planet spit out of its own solar system by twin suns, plus the as-yet unverified tendency of some planets to emit their own heat, plus a little dose of hyperdimensional physics espoused by Michio Kaku, plus a heaping helping of the scalar electromagnetic theories of Thomas Bearden, plus the insistence that modern physicists just don't get it, plus the discovery that hyperdimensional stress energy indicates our solar system's planets effect the angular momentum of our Sun much more than previously thought, all indicate that an unknown planet exists, a Jovian-type (that means like Jupiter) exists some 450 light years from the Sun.
That, as they say, is pretty far out, since a good 20 known stars exist within 20 light years of our Sun.
Of course, the dimensions in his formula are experimentally unreachable (they certainly are), but through his dedicated research, he has discovered that great secret that there is in fact a Planet X-type heavenly body bearing down on us.
Sigh. As web critic Michael Goodspeed has noted, Hoagland has not only claimed to be the discoverer of numerous "firsts" in the outer space: glass structures on the moon, oceans on Europa, a signal from a spaceship in the constellation Pegasus (which was supposed to have arrived some years ago), fake asteroids sent by ETs to warn us of real asteroids, and underground cities on Mars Goodspeed concludes, "Of all the questionable characters on the alternative scene today, perhaps none has been accused of such indiscretions more often than Richard C. Hoagland." And it is Hoagland who has constructed the most believable scenario about Planet X.
Now, I said all that to say this. When you get that collect call from Planet X - when some utterly sincere individual attempts to apprise you of the hottest new details of this latest apocalyptic threat to life on Earth - just hang up the phone. It's just another cold call from someone who couldn't master the facts if he had them trying to sell you something you don't need.
What really gets my goat is when one of these "channelers" tries to lump together current political events with these supposedly current celestial "events", because all that does is demean and discredit all the hard work put in by thousands of honest researchers who have been trying to tell you something is wrong with the current political picture that has been presented by our completely corrupted mass media.
When these two subjects are connected, both become bogus. But the fact is, one of these scenarios - the one taking place on Earth - is very real, while the other - taking place "out there" - is definitely a paranoid fantasy to delude the public for the purpose of making money off the easily gullible, which now that I think of it is very similar to President Bush's paranoid fantasy that it is right and honorable to use a totally false story to seize another country's oil fields. If anything is true, maybe it's that President Bush is really the Planet X about to bring apocalypse to the whole world, and if we're focusing on some imaginary, mythological threat from outer space, chances are good we won't see the impending disaster that is right now on our doorstep.
All these trendy rumblings about Planet X are merely the echoes of own mortality. It is the echo of our own guilt for destroying a planet that, except for the presence of the human species, remains perfectly lovely and quite likely is the most hospitable place in the entire universe.
The possibility that in the late spring of this year we are about to obliterated by a large invader from space is not real, and not worth a moment of our further study. The probability that babies are about to be obliterated by laser-guided, depleted-uranium bombs dropped from American fighter jets IS real, and deserves every waking moment of our most profound attention.
PS: A prominent ET channeler website insists all the above-mentioned players (except Mr. Lightweaver) are agents of one government or another, specifically tasked to foul the playing field for legitimate investigators in the fields of celestial mechanics and scalar electromagnetics. Although I put no stock in channelers, I'd have to agree with their assertion that these channeled entities occasionally tell the truth when it suits their purposes.
John Kaminski is a writer who lives on the coast of Florida and had a brief flirtation with several Pleiadian princesses before he discovered that most humans are frightened animals who must lie in order to live.
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