- Jeff - You should see the parking Nazis down here. Almost
all black and latino, of course. All trained to ignore all abuse.
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- Parking in this city is a game. Everything
is a trap. There will be six meters with signs reading "2 hr parking"
and the seventh will have a sign that looks exactly the same,,,but reads
"15 min parking."
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- I once put a couple quarters in a meter, came out five
minutes later and found this old fart parking cop writing me a $55 ticket.
The meter read "expired." I told him I had put money in
it and that it obviously was not functioning. He just smiled and
looked at me, continuing to write. I told him to wait a second, ran into
restaurant, got change, put a quarter in the meter. . .and it worked. I
told him it hadn't worked before. He just smiled and handed me the
ticket.
-
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- I told him to go f*ck himself. He was an old white
guy pushing 70 who obviously needed an income, but f*ck him anyhow. I
later happened upon his car in an alley while he was nearby, prosecuting
other parking criminals. The window was down. I spat all over
his front seat. I hate doing that sort of thing but felt it was deserved.
-
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- Then there was the time I parked on a block that had
one (1) "no parking" sign on it, way down at one end. It
appeared to cover and relate to only a small part of the block. You'll
frequently see four or five signs on one block...all with different instructions.
-
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- Where there are no signs, it is presumed you can park.
So, I figured the last 75 yards or so---quite a stretch---must be
okay. Wrong again. Came back to find some young latino guy
writing me a $55 ticket. I said, "What for? There are
no signs here." He pointed all the way down to the OTHER end
of the block. I said, "What? That's like 100 yards away
from here. I thought that was only for that part of the street."
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- The asshole laughed at me! He said, "Oh, I
suppose there should be signs all up and down the street?"
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- I said, "Well, of course. That's how it is
everywhere else. This is obviously a trap, and you must hang around
here waiting for this to happen. And what are you laughing at, anyway,
you stupid f*cking piece of shit? F*ck you, asshole. This is
the only job you can get, and it's a job for total idiots who do nothing---nothing---but
bring misery to people who can't afford to pay tickets. I hope you're
proud of yourself. I see Mercedes and BMWs double-parked in red zones,
stopped dead in the middle of the of the street (literally the middle),
while the driver texts or talks on a cell phone, and you assholes never
do anything to them. So, give me the ticket and go f*ck yourself, you worthless
slimy piece of shit. I hope when you go home to your little family, they're
real proud of what Daddy does."
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- I really enjoyed this, because I knew that if he reacted
to me in any way, he would lose his job. He turned bright red, and finally
said, "Hey, I don't talk to YOU that way." I told him to
kiss my ass.
-
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- Then there was the time that my wife parked perfectly
in a small space between two red zones. Yes, she was blocking a handicapped
entrance to a sidewalk, but the entrance was already 100 PERCENT blocked
by a massive construction scaffold, so there was zero egress. She had parked
there before many times. Parking cop gave her about a $150 ticket.
She took pictures and went to "mediation" to protest.
-
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- Well, the parking "mediator" literally laughed
in her face...and told her to leave. I kid you not. She came out
in tears. She had to physically restrain me from going in after the
guy.
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