- If I were King of California I'd order the state to mint
and print money. We would make coins of silver and gold from
local California mines. We would be the only nation state on earth with
money backed by precious metal. We'd mint beautiful coins, like this country
used to do, and sell the coins and currency for a premium to worldwide
collectors. Debts within California would be payable in US currency
or real money backed by precious metal. We would strongly discourage
the use of fake money in The Golden State.
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- Of course if the federal government sued the state, I'd
take them to court, to prove how much-if any-of the US paper currency was
backed with real gold in Fort Knox. I would request that GATA
come along to verify. And since NO money anywhere is backed by precious
metal anymore, most other citizens of other bankrupt states might just
clamor to follow our example.
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- T'would be good to be King of California. If one were
a wise and just emperor, this state could be a virtual paradise, not a
kleptocracy. But, as everyone knows, California is allegedly teetering
on the edge of bankruptcy, billions and billions of dollars short and no
wise policy in sight to raise any money, except to raise more taxes or
cut needed services. So in the spirit of a generous and wise would-be-king,
let me offer some advice, both humorous and serious.
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- Both California and her neighboring state, Arizona, have
now closed most of their roadside rest areas to save a few paltry dollars.
I know, because I recently drove from LA to Tucson along I-10 and most
of the rest areas are barricaded and closed. Why not just RENT these rest
areas, especially along the interstates, to nearby Native tribes or private
groups, and have them run them as profitable mini-casinos? Or
turn them into nature parks? Or riding stables? Or nature walks into the
nearby mountains? Or historical museums and charge a small fee to pay to
keep the rest area open?
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- Or why not make them into livable roadside villages with
a historical theme? In Arizona I saw many custodial houses besides the
closed rest areas on I-10. Why not expand the habitable area, pour some
concrete pads and make motorhome parks and rent spaces? Or build some Youth
Hostel apartment complexes and rent those out? Kids and students and the
unemployed could travel from one roadside Youth Hostel to another.
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- Or better yet, build some historical theme villages,
"Restorias," where people might live and work and keep the (closed)
rest areas clean. For example, "Restoria Gold Rush-1849" could
feature a gold rush area theme, complete with saloons and gold sluices.
Charge a small fee to pan for gold. Charge a small fee to live in the village
and a small fee for tourists to visit the village. Make them mostly self-sustainable.
Grow some crops. Create some arts and crafts. The motorhome park and satellite
dishes could be screened by trees and a mini market could be housed in
building of the era. C'mon, use some imagination, California, before you
collapse completely!
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- April Fools
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- Recently, somebody on EBay allegedly bid nearly $200,000
for the telephone number 867-5309, or the "Jenny" song number.
- If people are so desperate to pay huge sums of money
for ephemeral objects, why not sell them a slice of immortality?
- Why not sell Naming Rights in The Great State of California?
Nutty? I can think of millions of things to sell, for billions of dollars.
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- For example, sell Donald Sterling, wealthy egomaniac,
philanthropist and eccentric owner of the LA Clippers, the rights to rename
the formerly boring Salton Sea, outside of Palm Springs. For a paltry ten
million dollars, Billionaire Donald Sterling could rename the Salton Sea as
the Ninth Wonder of the World: "Sterling Sea." How many people
in the world have an inland sea, even an accidental one, named after them?
None.
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- For a mere hundred million dollars, ($100,000,000.),
I would also sell the naming rights to the Golden Gate Bridge to Multi-Billionaire
Bill Gates. Henceforth--and as long as Bill lived--the bridge would be
known as the Golden Gates Bridge. Of course if Warren Buffet
upped the ante, I would entertain offers from him too, but Buffet Bridge
somehow doesn't sound right.
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- We could sell the rights to San Francisco Bay to George
Lucas and Mt Shasta-named after a soft drink-to the former King of The
World, James Cameron for another hundred million each. Mt. Cameron has
a nice ring to it. Sacramento itself would go onto the auction block and
I would hope some crafty grafter would snatch up the naming rights to the
state capitol and rename it, since everything else there is for sale anyway.
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- Of course, some names might be sacred. Like Los Angeles,
the misnamed City of Angels. As the most wise and wondrous King, I would
hold a referendum about renaming huge misnamed entities. There are millions
of other places in California to sell the naming rights to wealthy egomaniacs.
Dodger Stadium anyone? Or how about the misnamed Dodgers, Kings,
Clippers, Bruins, Lakers and Trojans?
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- You see how easy it is to raise money in California?
The only thing lacking is Imagination. We could sell the naming
rights to the smallest salmon stream or tiniest stretch of highway but
we wouldn't sell the right to just anyone. If George W. Bush or Dick Cheney
wanted to buy the rights to rename something in California, it would have
to be suitable. As King of California, I wouldn't let just anyone come
into the state, especially from Texas, to buy just anything. There are
plenty of colorful places right here in California to rename. How about
the "George W. Bush Tar Pits," formerly known as the La
Brea Tar Pits. As for Mr. Cheney, only a place like Badwater,
in Death Valley would do. Or, for enough loot, Death Valley itself: "Death
Cheney National Park" sounds perfect.
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- As King of California, I would declare a National State
Holiday soon after we sold the last naming right to the former Coliseum
or Eel River or Mt. Whitney and balanced our budget. Within a year or so,
we would be printing money, backed of course by real gold and silver mined
from The Golden State.
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- The name, Golden State, not for sale, of course.
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- Longtime part-time resident of California, Douglas Herman
closely inspects the smallest Sierra stream, the loneliest highway and
most suspicious overhead chemtrail in California on a daily basis. Because,
as honorary California citizen Albert Einstein used to say: "Condemnation
without investigation is the height of ignorance." email him at douglasherman7@yahoo.com
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