- Everything we know about biblical history after Jesus'
birth could be quite different than it was if Jesus Christ was alive in
our era. As we shall see, no wonder he was born when he was.
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- Two thousand and nine years ago, the couple had to take
the manger with the animals for the night. A manger was really a stable,
an in-door barnyard and smelled like one. According to scripture, there
was no room at the Inn and this was all they could get for the
night. Of course it wasn't snowing in Bethlehem even 2,000 years
ago. In fact, the weather was most likely breezy and warm. But they didn't
have to put up with checkpoints, abusive modern soldiers on power trips,
mortar shells exploding, rockets blowing up buildings, suicide bombers,
hand grenades or machine gun fire.
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- And especially loud pounding rap music.
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- Fortunately, Mary's pelvis was large enough to deliver
Jesus the conventional way. Any mother enduring a C-section in Mary's time
would mean certain death. Medical experts 2,000 years ago were quite good
at opening up the body, but not good at sewing it back together without
problems.
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- There would be the certainty of a systemic infection
even if the bleeding could be controlled. Straw, hay and knives don't go
together to create a sterile field and insure longevity of any patient
of the day. Mothers that couldn't have children the normal way would die
the day their baby was born from bleeding to death or if bleeding
could be controlled living a few more days before organ and systemic failure
would set in from infection.
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- Let's consider what would happen if Joseph and Mary were
suddenly teleported into our time. Lacking currency of today and credit
cards, Joseph and Mary would instantly be poor. This is not a good thing.
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- An instantly-poor Mary and Joseph would not be looking
for a four star hotel. Instead, they would need to find a Salvation Army
facility or local community hospital hopefully before the police saw them
walking around in their native attire. There are no mangers around today
with donkeys and horses.
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- Although a zoo or private horse barn might be the closest
thing to a manger, no one wants to clean up human after-birth mixed with
straw and hay. If the couple found themselves in NY State's Adirondack
country or other states at -30F when Mary's water breaks while she is lying
on the straw, within a matter of minutes both Mary and the straw would
be flash-frozen creating yet another problem.
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- Never having seen snow before or experienced such cold
it might induce a state of mental shock.
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- Hopefully Mary and Joseph will be fortunate enough to
knock on the door of a kind couple who asks them in and deliver Jesus there.
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- Let's consider what having Jesus at a typical residential
or city home might entail.
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- Everything works out OK during the birthing process.
Joseph stands at the ready with his knife to cut the cord. Out comes little
Jesus, not crying but smiling at everyone.
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- Joseph picks up his knife to cut the cord.
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- Entering into the room at that moment is one of the family's
little children. She sees Joseph standing there in his long-robed attire
and head-dress from 2,000 years ago - with a long, razor-sharp knife in
his hand.
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- This innocent child screams "Oh no, an arab terrorist!
I'll get help mommy!" She runs out of the room and down the steps
to the nearest phone and dials 911. Shocked at her daughter's reaction,
the mother finally recovers from her daughter's terror and is now in hot
pursuit of her child.
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- But it's too late the little girl dialed 911 and
begins yelling and screaming "There's a terrorist here!" Just
as the mother grabs the phone to speak and puts it to her ear, just in
time to hear the 911 operator say "Don't worry child, help is already
on the way." Now the real trouble begins.
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- The mother is torn between going back upstairs or waiting
for the police. Her husband up in the makeshift birthing-bedroom yells,
"Everything's OK up here. What's going on down there?" The mother
breathes a sigh of relief which is short-lived. Bright flashing red lights
start lighting up the living room. Within moments the police are pounding
on the door, guns drawn. "Open up! This is the police!"
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- Without hesitation the door is opened by the mother.
The police bark "Where is he? We know he's here! Does he have a gun?"
Before the mother can reply, the little girl innocently points to the steps
going upstairs.
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- Several police officers immediately bolt up the stairs
two at a time and head straight toward the bedroom where talk about the
glowing baby Jesus is coming from. Into the room they charge with guns
drawn. "Everyone put your hands up. Drop that knife Arab!"
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- Joseph tries to explain what's going on while waving
the knife around, "But you don't understand. I am" But it's too
late. Another cop just can't wait to test out his new 250,000 volt Taser
he is holding and fires it at Joseph. Joseph hits the floor writhing and
convulsing in pain and the knife he drops is confiscated. The office looking
at his weapon and then his fellow officers exclaims in delight, "Hey,
the thing works! He went down REAL good!"
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- Subdued on the floor, the arresting officer demands that
Joseph immediately produce some ID or a driver's license. Joseph doesn't
understand what that any of this means and just repeats his name. The same
is asked of Mary, and she simply replies with her name.
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- Not getting the answers he demands and seeing the baby
on the bed, the officer sarcastically asks, "And I suppose you're
going to tell me that baby's name is Jesus, right?" The mother innocently
replies, "Well, yes, that is his name." This pushes the officer
over the edge and now Mary is Tasered, convulsing in pain on the bed.
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- But the trouble isn't over for the two parents and the
baby. When the police discover the couple has no money or a place to call
home, a social worker is called to the house.
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- The social worker takes one look up and down at Joseph
and Mary dressed in middle-eastern attire, complete with open sandals and
shakes her head.
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- "Well, well, well. And I thought I'd seen everything.
Where in the hell did you two come from? And is this your newborn?"
Innocently these new parents correct the overwhelmed social worker that Nazareth is
their home and confirm the baby boy is theirs. She asks them where they
live, and they tell her. This does not settle well with the social worker.
These parents could not possibly be more than 2,000 years old.
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- Now the social worker is certain the couple is mentally
unbalanced and decides to take the child for the state. Baby Jesus is taken
to a hospital, examined for signs of child abuse and pumped full of vaccines.
It's a miracle that he lives (no pun intended.) Then he is adopted by foster
parents who find his name blasphemous - and change his name to Simon Peter.
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- When Jesus grows older he discovers who he really is.
He visits local churches and synagogues to proclaim his birthright and
his mission to the world. This only results in getting the iron boot from
priests, fathers, pastors, bishops and rabbis after they scream "Sacrilege!"
at him. Whenever Jesus performs a miracle, Christians judge his good works
are only works of the devil and simply done by special effects and trickery.
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- Although a fictional scenario, one could see his birth
today unfolding like this in our society.
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- If Jesus returned today in a blaze of glory like no one
else could possibly do - would anyone believe it?
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- Ted Twietmeyer
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