- Last weekend I put an exhaust fan in the ceiling for
my wife's grandfather. While my wife's brother and I were fitting the
fan in between the joists, we found something under the insulation. What
we found was this:
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- A JC Penney catalog from 1977. It's not often blog fodder
just falls in my lap, but holy hell this was two solid inches of it,
right there for the taking. I thumbed through it quickly and found my
next dining room set, which is apparently made by adding upholstery to
old barrels:
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- Also, I am totally getting this for my bathroom:
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- There's plenty more home furnishings where those came
from, however I'm not going to bore you with that. Instead, I'm going
to bore you with something else. The clothes.
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- The clothes are fantastic.
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- Here's how to get your ass kicked in elementary school:
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- Just look at that belt. It's like a boob-job for your
pants. He probably needed help just to lift it into place. The belt loops
have to be three inches long. And way to pull them up to your armpits,
grandpa.
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- Here's how to get your ass kicked in high school:
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- This kid looks like he's pretending to be David Soul,
who is pretending to be a cop who is pretending to be a pimp that everyone
knows is really an undercover cop. Who is pretending to be 15.
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- Here's how to get your ass kicked on the golf course:
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- This 'all purpose jumpsuit' is, according to the description,
equally appropriate for playing golf or simply relaxing around the house.
Personally, I can't see wearing this unless you happen to be relaxing
around your cell in D-block. Even then, the only reason you should put
this thing on is because the warden made you, and as a one-piece, it's
slightly more effective as a deterrent against
- backside rapery.
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- Here's how to get your ass kicked pretty much anywhere:
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- If you look at that picture quickly, it looks like Mr.
Bob 'No- pants' Saget has his hand in the other guy's pocket. In this case,
he doesn't .
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- Here's how to get your ass kicked at the beach:
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- He looks like he's reaching for a gun, but you know it's
probably just a bottle of suntan lotion in a holster.
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- How to get your ass kicked in a meeting:
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- If you wear this suit and don't sell used cars for a
living, I believe you can be fined and face serious repercussions, up
to and including termination. Or imprisonment, in which case you'd
be forced to wear that orange jumpsuit.
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- How to get your ass kicked on every day up to and including
St. Patrick's Day
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- Dear god in heaven, I don't believe that color exists
in nature. There is NO excuse for wearing either of these ensembles unless
you're working as a body guard for the Lucky Charms leprechaun.
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- In this next one, Your Search For VALUE Ends at Penneys.
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- As does your search for chest hair.
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- And this -- Seriously. No words.
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- Oh wait, it turns out that there are words after all.
Those words are What. The. F*ck. I'm guessing the snap front gives you
quick access to the chest hair. The little tie must be the pull tab.
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- Also, judging by the sheer amount of matching his/hers
outfits, I'm guessing that in 1977 it was considered pretty stylish for
couples to dress alike. These couples look happy, don't they?
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- I am especially fond of this one, which I have entitled
'Cowboy Chachi Loves You Best.'
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- And nothing showcases your everlasting love more than
the commitment of matching bathing suits. That, and a blonde girl with
a look on her face that says 'I love the way your junk fights against
that fabric.'
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- Then, after the lovin', you can relax in your one-piece
matching terry cloth jumpsuits:
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- I could go on, but I'm tired, and my eyes hurt from this
trip back in time. I think it's the colors. That said, I will leave you
with these tasteful little numbers:
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- Man, that's sexy. :NT0002568A
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