- Osama arose early that September day and donned his cloaking
device, a cape that made him invisible and impervious to all detection.
-
- Next he pocketed some pixie dust, a powerful magic dust
that can cast an evil spell of utter stupidity over certain American
patriots Osama sprinkled it on.
-
- Within seconds, at the speed of light, he sped to two
different airports at once, to whisk 19 hijackers through four different
passenger check ins without anyone being spotted. He sprinkled some pixie
dust on all the airline hostesses, who stupidly never logged a single hijacker
onto their computers.
-
- Next he flew to NORAD headquarters, entered with his
cloaking device, and sprinkled pixie dust on the top USAF generals there.
Osama knew no planes would fly that day. But he wanted to make sure.
-
- So he sped to Washington DC at the speed of light, and
sprinkled pixie dust over Don Rumsfeld at the Pentagon and Dick Cheney
at the White House. Instantly the two super patriots became utterly stupid,
utterly useless and utterly unpatriotic. Luckily Super Osama would not
have to waste any pixie dust on Dubya, the President already doing his
best to act stupid somewhere in Florida.
-
- Airborne, the hijacked Boeing jetliners sped westward,
with stupid, untrained pilots at the controls.
-
- Using his super powers, Osama whisked the off-course
planes back towards the targets he had chosen, back towards the east, untroubled
by NORAD fighters or patriotic Neocon politicians, or failed Cessna pilots
at the controls, who might foil his plan.
-
- While the Boeings headed towards their targets, the evil
Osama used his super powers to whisk tons of gold from the vaults beneath
the World Trade Towers.
-
- Next he sped into FBI headquarters, his cloak of invisibility
allowing him access, and sprinkled pixie dust over the smartest FBI agents
there. Super Osama knew, once the targets were struck and destroyed, these suddenly
stupid FBI agents would rush to the scene of the destruction and remove
all the CCTV tapes and the black boxes and hide them forever from the American
people.
-
- But one thing troubled Osama. Pixie dust would not work
on ALL the American people all the time. Only on those predisposed to stupidity.
Vexed for a moment, Osama suddenly brightened. The stupidest people in
America already worked for the US mainstream media. The well-connected
talking heads would assure the success of his plan. Pixie dust would make
pundits and reporters even stupider.
-
- Gladdened, Osama flew to the trade towers and, still
invisible, pushed the tall buildings down in seconds flat. Amused at himself,
he squashed Building 7 for good measure in seven seconds flat.
-
- Later he sprinkled his last pixie dust over EPA director
Christine Todd Whitman, making her so stupid that she claimed airborne-laden
asbestos was healthy for humans. And people actually believed her.
-
- By mid-afternoon, Osama relaxed at his secret underground
lair on Tora Bora, removed his cloaking device and planned his next super
crime.
-
- To be continued...
- Douglas Herman writes for Rense regularly while avoiding
pixie dust.
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