- "Mr. President, this job can't be
fun for you anymore. There's no more money to spend--you used up all of
that. You can't start another war because you used up the Army. And now,
darn the luck, the rest of your term has become the Bush family nightmare:
helping poor people.
-
- Listen to your mom. The cupboard's bare,
the credit cards' maxed out. No one's speaking to you: Mission accomplished.
-
- "Now it's time to do what you've
always done best: lose interest and walk away. Like you did with your military
service and the oil company and the baseball team. It's time. Time to move
on and try the next fantasy job. How about cowboy or space man?
-
- "Now I know what you're saying.
There're so many other things that you as President could involve yourself
in. Please don't. I know, I know. There's a lot left to do. There's a war
with Venezuela. Eliminating the sales tax on yachts. Turning the space
program over to the church. And Social Security to Fannie Mae. Giving embryos
the vote.
-
- "But, Sir, none of that is going
to happen now. Why? Because you govern like Billy Joel drives. You've performed
so poorly! I'm surprised that you haven't given yourself a medal. You're
a catastrophe that walks like a man. Herbert Hoover was a shitty president,
but even he never conceded an entire city to rising water and snakes.
-
- "On your watch, we've lost almost
all of our allies, the surplus, four airliners, two trade centers, a piece
of the Pentagon and the City of New Orleans. Maybe you're just not lucky.
-
- I'm not saying you don't love this country.
I'm just wondering how much worse it could be if you were on the other
side.
-
- "So, yes, God does speak to you.
What He is saying is, 'Take a hint.'"
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