- In the Internet-dating dance, the entire
arc of a relationship-from instant crush to heartbreaking split-can occur
within hours via a flurry of e-mails and IMs. Among the hazards is that
you never quite know whom you're communicating with. Among the benefits
is that you can diplomatically get out while the getting is good.
-
-
- Dear asteroidsacredcastle:
-
- Thanks so much for your e-mail. You seem
like an extraordinary person. Having had some experience with the "UFO
community," as you describe your circle of friends, I just don't think
I'm ready for a relationship with someone who's actually spent so much
time inside a UFO. I'll bet there are others on this site who've shared
your experiences, and I wish you luck in finding one!
-
- Dear heartmindmeldwantsU:
-
- Thanks for the kind words. I've enjoyed
our exchanges about forgiveness, and while I too have forgiven my parents
for their imperfections, I don't think I'm ready to forgive Hitler quite
yet. If that changes, I'll be sure to let you know.
-
- Dear chinachick4life:
-
- I appreciate your inquiry, and I'm glad
you find my picture "very much to be OK I like to see." But since
we've never met and don't know each other at all, I'm afraid I can't commit
to paying your airfare from Beijing and then getting married so quickly.
Good luck finding someone who will help you realize your dream!
-
- Dear 2good2b4got10:
-
- I appreciate you following up our conversation
with all those photos of your youthful activities, and I apologize for
asking if the pictures were current. But although I respect your opinion
that "everyone lies about their age," my first thought was that
you meant you'd fudged by maybe a year or two. So, while I'm afraid we're
not a match, I'll bet you can find a guy who also says he's 35 but is really
60. . . .
-
- Dear sizzlesubstance697856045789:
-
- Thanks for writing. It's always nice
to hear from someone new. I'm sorry you're so angry that I haven't responded
to your three early-morning (6 a.m.!) messages till now. And believe me,
I've had enough therapy to understand that you don't want to be late for
your shrink appointment. But I'm not sure what you mean by needing "closure
to our relationship."
-
- Dear imsunshine:
-
- Thanks SO MUCH for your extensive series
of e-mails! I haven't responded because I've been out of town!! I'm so
glad you like music and that you are as comfortable in an evening gown
as you are in jeans and a T-shirt!!! The idea that you like to read magazines
while getting your hair done tells me you're an impressive multitasker!!!!
The fact that you spend time outdoors is really cool!!!!! And I just love
all those exclamation points you put at the end-and sometimes! in the middle!
of-every sentence!!!!!! But I need to tell you that I recently met the
girl of my dreams. She can't match your enthusiasm, but her punctuation
is an enormous relief.
-
- Dear athleticfanatic90210:
-
- Don't get me wrong, I LOVE sports, and
staying in shape is important to me too. (I once ran a charity 10K organized
by Bono-or maybe it was Sonny Bono-and let me tell you, it was tough but
exciting.) When I read your "Favorites" list, I wasn't even sure
what an ultra-marathon was, so I Googled it. Wow! How much do you have
to train to run 50 miles and how many hours does it take to go that far?
Anyway, even though we're not a match, I hope you weren't offended by my
use of the phrase "obsessive/compulsive." Also, I didn't mean
to imply that you're anorexic. I think it's great that you avoid meat,
fats, sugar, dairy products, wheat and anything cooked. (You must scarf
down a ton of raw legumes!) And who am I to say that 88 pounds on a 5-foot-3
frame is underweight?
-
- Dear sublimepsychicdoc:
-
- So fun reading about your out-of-body
adventures. As you said, it's really important for us to be open to the
varieties of experience. So I tried to understand how you were able to
heal your friend's grapefruit-sized tumor over the phone via "energy
waves." And even though your sight-unseen description of my living
room bore no resemblance whatever to my actual furniture, I still wanted
to believe. But I think I'm going to respectfully decline your invitation
to demonstrate that you can make "a certain Doris Day movie"
come on the Lifetime Channel just by thinking about it.
-
- Dear suddenlyseparated2006:
-
- Okay, I'll take the blame for not reading
your profile carefully enough, but at 3,000 words it is way longer than
most. In any case, your being separated and having kids would normally
not be a deal-breaker. But I wish you'd revealed earlier that you have
FIVE strapping teenage boys (congrats, by the way, on the twins' football
scholarships!), that your separation just happened last week and that your
husband is stalking you. I know you think I'm scared of commitment, but
the truth is I'm just plain scared.
-
-
- Comment
Steve Winfield
-
- Jeff - Great satire piece! Here are a
few examples to go with it. These are all actually online, written by women...
-
- for fun: I love shopping all year and
yard sales in the summer. I like being able to get in my car and go wherever
I want. BBQ steak, corn on the cob and watermelon...YUM!!!
-
- favorite hot spots: I'd like a man to
take me to exotic places.
-
- favorite things: I love the smell of
wet asphalt after a rain, thunder and lightening storms. Long, slow kisses,
fresh flowers, eating ice cream with my fingers, ice cold watermelon on
a hot night. I love country music, watching bull riding and Surviving Nugent.
-
- last read: My reading material consists
of the National Enquirer, Star, Woman's Day and Reader's Digest
-
- Sports and exercise: Auto racing / Motorcross,
Billiards / Pool, Dancing
-
- Daily diet: Fast food, Meat and potatoes
-
- ______
-
- for fun: I love to do anything that is
fun and exiting, Iam always up for anything from camping to city lights.
I love to have a good time with my friends and family. I like movies but
I would rather eat good food and hangout with frieds.
-
- my education I graduated highschool,
went to ASU, have been a RDA for 25 years, also working in forensics for
8years.
-
- favorite hot spots: My favorite place
to eat is Jack's Grill, I like to go to wild and crazy clubs/bars, If it's
with good friends it a good time, A a nice cozy coffie shop can be just
as good for me. I have always wanted to go on a cruise.
-
- favorite things: My favorite thing is
spending time with my family and friends. My favorite color is green, favorite
food Chicken Picatta I like most music, and clothes that are all about
fun but class and If I can find it on sale what a high!
-
- last read: Time Magazine.
-
- _____
-
-
- for fun: Why didn"t the skeleton
Cross the road? He didn't have any guts! Have you ever seen moth balls?
How did you get their little legs open! What do jello and women have in
common? They both quiver when you eat them!
-
- _____
-
- About me and what I'm looking for
-
- Before you email me... read who i am!
Im not a very good person. Last year I cheated on my husband and turned
to a life of drugs (meth). Im now divorced, lost custody of my kids, have
no job, little education, and live in a single wide trailer with little
or no hope for the future. I now tend to be attracted to total losers,
who are abusive, uneducated and turn to a life of crime to support themselves.
The only one thing im really good at is making babies. Also lying and cheating
people out of their money. I will tell you what you want to hear to get
what I want out of you. Im HIGH MAINTENANCE and really not worth your time.
I will most certainly break your heart and your wallet given half a chance.
Still interested in me? Drop me a line.
-
- ______
-
- for fun: I do very little except watch
TV, gamble, and look for ways to meet men.
-
- favorite hot spots: Love BARS! Plenty
of men to meet there and have them buy me drinks. Im a big tease!! L:ove
to dress sexy and get a guys attention.
-
- favorite things: adult activities of
ALL kinds!!
-
- last read: cant read too well, but I
try.
-
- _________
-
-
- About me and what I'm looking for
-
- well i want u to know that i am an honest, caring, opeminded
and a woman of sence of humour i will like to meet a man that will really
love me and honest with me i have been hurt alot and i dont want to be
hurt anymore well aslo i will like to meet an honest, caring sensitive,
opeminded, sincere and god faring man my name is paulina i am friom indiana
i am a woman of 25years of age and i have never married i am single and
i am looking for a man that i wuilkl spend the rest of my life with
-
-
- my ethnicity:
- i am an honest and caring woman
-
-
- my religion
- i like going to church
-
-
- favorite hot spots:
- i want u to know that i am an honest, caring, sensitive,
opeminded
-
-
- favorite things:
- well i like playing basket ball, video game, and table
tennis
-
-
- last read:
- i read novel
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