- PRINCIPAL: Good morning, Alice. We use first names at
this school. Quite informal. Please have a seat. Glad you decided to start
teaching again.
-
- ALICE: Thank you..Henry.
-
- PRINCIPAL: The thing we haven't discussed yet is how
teaching has changed since you taught here.
-
- ALICE: Changed?
-
- PRINCIPAL: The new do's and don'ts, so to speak.
-
- ALICE: No, I don't believe we touched on that.
-
- PRINCIPAL: Ah, well no time like the present. You will
find teaching methods a bit more refined.
-
- ALICE: Refined? In what way?
-
- PRINCIPAL: Oh, more openness, more tolerance, more freedom
of expression. New directions.
-
- ALICE: New directions? What kind if I may ask?
-
- PRINCIPAL: Well, for instance, Alice, we no longer require
the students to place their hand over their heart when the national anthem
is played. An unnecessary gesture, really.
-
- ALICE: It is?
-
- PRINCIPAL: We think so. Then, too, we do nothing for
American holidays and more for Mexican holidays. In the spirit of understanding
and cooperation, you understand.
-
- ALICE: But we always honored American holidays when I
taught here before.
-
- PRINCIPAL: I'm sure you did, Alice. But that was then
and now is now. You'll also find our history books rewritten to reflect
more accurately the real America.
-
- ALICE: The history books already reflected the real America,
didn't they?
-
- PRINCIPAL: I'm afraid not, Alice. We've replaced the
evil, imperialistic history of America with a less offensive version.
-
- ALICE: Less offensive to whom, sir?
-
- PRINCIPAL: Why, to the students, of course. Now then,
as for the pledge of allegiance..
-
- ALICE: That hasn't been changed too, I hope.
-
- PRINCIPAL: Nothing like that, Alice, the pledge is the
same. We just didn't say it for awhile.
-
- ALICE: I hope you're not suggesting that it's wrong
to pledge allegiance to America.
-
- PRINCIPAL: Oh, my no, Alice. In fact, some parents demanded
that we bring the pledge back into the school, so we did.
-
- ALICE: Good. Then the students honor the flag every morning
again like they used to?
-
- PRINCIPAL: Well, not exactly. We don't require students
to say the pledge every day like before. We decided that twice a week was
sufficient.
-
- ALICE: May I ask a rather personal question, sir?
-
- PRINCIPAL: Of course.
-
- ALICE: Is it true that the school is now teaching young
students about sex?
-
- PRINCIPAL: I'm proud to say, Alice, that this is not
only true but our school has taken it two steps beyond. We're very progressive,
you know.
-
- ALICE: Apparently so.
-
- PRINCIPAL: In case your son or daughter decides they're
gay we now have a club on campus that helps them adjust to their homosexuality.
Isn't that innovative?
-
- ALICE: You mentioned two steps beyond. What's the second
step?
-
- PRINCIPAL: In keeping with the new liberal teaching,
we have condoms available, and accessible, to students in grades 9 to 12.
-
- ALICE: Yes, I did notice the condom dispenser in the
hall near the nurse's office. But may I ask, why the choice of "Regular"
or "Mint Flavored"?
-
- PRINCIPAL: Uh, you must have missed the label over the
"Mint Flavored" slot on the dispenser.
-
- ALICE: I guess I did. What did it say?
-
- PRINCIPAL: "For Oral Sex Only." The thinking
here is that if young people are going to engage in sex, any kind of sex,
let's make sure that we give them all the protection they need.
-
- ALICE: Well, that certainly is a considerate new educational
dimension, sir.
-
- PRINCIPAL: So, Alice, are you all ready to start with
your first class? Alice.. Alice..you okay? You look a little pale!
-
- ALICE: Where is the girl's washroom. I think I'm going
to throw up.
-
- PRINCIPAL: Oh, my goodnss. Use the boy's washroom. It's
closer.
-
-
- * * * *
-
- This amusing little story isn't a story at all. These
facts, and more, came directly from a public elementary school in New York
City and the Santa Monica High School in California.
-
- Classes teaching the moral corruption of our children
and the debasement of our country are taking place right now, today, in
many schools across the country. Welcome to the new America.
|
