- 1. If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate
any strange noises wearing their most revealing underwear.
-
- 2. Beds have strange L-shaped top sheets that reach up
to armpit level on a woman but only waist level on the man lying beside
her.
-
- 3. All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick
of French bread.
-
- 4. It's easy for anyone to land a plane, providing there
is someone in the control tower to talk you down.
-
- 5. Once applied, lipstick will never rub off - even while
scuba diving.
-
- 6. The ventilation system of any building is a perfect
hiding place. No one will ever think of looking for you in there and you
can travel to any other part of the building without difficulty.
-
- 7. You're likely to survive any battle in any war unless
you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back
home.
-
- 8. Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer,
it will not be necessary to speak the language. A German accent will do.
-
- 9. The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window of any
building in Paris.
-
- 10. People on TV never finish their drinks.
-
- 11. A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious
beating but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.
-
- 12. When paying for a taxi, never look at your wallet
as you take out a note - just grab one at random and hand it over. It will
always be the exact fare.
-
- 13. If you lose a hand, it will cause the stump of your
arm to grow by 15cm.
-
- 14. Kitchens don't have light switches. When entering
a kitchen at night, you should open the fridge door and use that light
instead.
-
- 15. During all police investigations, it will be necessary
to visit a strip club at least once.
-
- 16. Mothers routinely cook eggs, bacon and waffles for
their family every morning, even though the husband and children never
have time to eat them.
-
- 17. Cars and trucks that crash will almost always burst
into flames.
-
- 18. A single match will be sufficient to light up a room
the size of a football stadium.
-
- 19. If a killer is lurking in your house, it's easy to
find him. Just relax and run a bath - even if it's the middle of the afternoon.
-
- 20. All single women have a cat.
-
- 21. Any person waking from a nightmare will sit bolt
upright and pant.
-
- 22. Even when driving down a perfectly straight road,
it is necessary to turn the steering wheel vigorously from left to right
every few moments.
-
- 23. One man shooting at 20 men has a better chance of
killing them all than 20 men firing at one.
-
- 24. If a phone line is broken, communication can be restored
by frantically beating the cradle and saying, Hello?, Hello?
-
- 25. Most people keep a scrapbook of newspaper cuttings
- especially if any of their family or friends has died in a strange boating
accident.
-
- 26. It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered
in a fight involving martial arts - your enemies will wait patiently to
attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you
have knocked out their predecessor.
-
- 27. During a very emotional confrontation, instead of
facing the person you are speaking to, it is customary to stand behind
them and talk to their back.
-
- 28. When you turn out the light to go to bed, everything
in your room will still be clearly visible, just slightly bluish.
-
- 29. Dogs always know how to spot villains and will bark
at them and no one else.
-
- 30. Police departments give their officers personality
tests to make sure they are deliberately assigned a partner who is their
total opposite.
-
- 31. When they are alone, all foreigners somehow prefer
to speak English to each other.
-
- 32. If there is a deranged killer on the loose, this
will coincide with a thunderstorm that has brought down all the power and
phone lines in the vicinity.
-
- 33. There's always a chainsaw around when you need one.
-
- 34. Rather than wasting bullets, megalomaniacs prefer
to kill their arch-enemies using complicated machinery involving fuses,
pulley systems, deadly gases, lasers and man-ating sharks that will allow
their captives at least 20 minutes to escape.
-
- 35. All bombs are fitted with helpful electronic timing
devices that have large red readouts so you know exactly when they're going
to go off.
-
- 36. It is always possible to park directly outside the
building you are visiting.
-
- 37. Make-up can safely be worn to bed without smudging.
-
- 38. A detective can only solve a case once he has been
suspended from duty.
-
- 39. If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone
you bump into will know all the steps.
-
- Comment
Alton Raines
- 8-21-4
-
- There's more!
-
- 40. All dogs understand everything a human being is saying
but simply cannot impart information as easily, especially in a time of
a crisis.
-
- 41. All men are basically perplexed until a wiser female
assists him in resolving the dilemma with her intuition and natural insights
into human nature.
-
- 42. Everyone has a guest room, two bathrooms and garage.
-
- 43. Car engines cease functioning upon entering or exiting
residential driveways.
-
- 44. Backyards covered in astroturf still need regular
mowing.
-
- 45. People only use the bathroom to 'freshen up,' 'powder
their nose' or shower. The toilet is for flushing deceased aquatic pets
and sitting for conversation.
-
- 46. Friendly policemen are always just a whistle away.
-
- 47. All refrigerators come stocked with beer.
-
- 48. The fourth man on the away team on any sci-fi program
will die a horrible death.
-
- 49. Thieves and robbers are open to long discussions
about their childhood or other social issues relative to their personal
situation.
-
-
-
- Comment
- From Mary Sparrowdancer
- 8-22-4
-
- I found the 39 comments from A. Hancock to be witty,
as well as filled with humor.
-
- Some of the best teachers who point out the truth to
us use humor. This keeps us smiling, while also receiving the core of the
teaching. It is a very effective way of teaching.
-
- I do not find the same to be true with the Comments of
"Alton Raines," who begins adding on comments 40, 41, 42, etc.,
etc, as though these are a continuation of the observations of A. Hancock.
-
- The comments of Alton Raines are not similar to those
of A. Hancock, and in my opinion, should not be listed as a continuation
of A. Hancock's observations.
- Alton Raines' observations are simply his own. They
reflect his own judgments and opinions.
-
- Please give us more of A. Hancock. I'm not sure where
you found A. Hancock's writings, but I love teachers who are unafraid of
using humor.
-
- mary sparrowdancer
- www.sparrowdancer.com
|
