- "Austria? Well, then, g'day mate! Let's put another
shrimp on the barby!" (http://www.jimcarreyonline.com/soundclips/dd/gday.wav
soundtrack outtake)
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- --- Jim Carrey as Lloyd, in Dumb and Dumber (1994)
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- Today, I come to you with good news, fellow Americans.
We're not as dumb as we could be. After all, we could be Australians.
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- Last year saw released a followup to one of the most
horribly stupid movies I have ever seen, Dumb and Dumber, a running body-function-gag
flick about two really stupid American white guys (is there any other sort
depicted in the media today?). Actually, the followup was what is known
as a prequel, since its events predated the first movie (When Harold Met
Lloyd, I believe, is the subtitle). I admit that I haven't seen Dumb and
Dumberer. I'm trying hard not to. Even those who liked the first movie
have panned this one. I have two teenagers in the house, though. Seems
inevitable that we will fall victim, but I'm still having trouble getting
used to the version playing internationally, starring various Western nations.
-
- Frankly, I have been fitting Canada for the "Dumberer"
role, cast alongside today's America, what with its incredibly mindless
censorship of speech (See http://www.conspiracypenpal.com/columns/hate.htm
- Hate Speech: Anything Jews Hate to Hear) and nationwide
campaign of actual bookburning (seizure and destruction of anything short
of Rebecca of Sunnybrook Farm, it seems, just ask Paul Fromm, who can't
seem to get anything printed back over the border when he visits the US).
However, a dark horse suddenly has leapt up and swept aside all other contenders:
Australia.
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- Just as you can see the American thought control of tomorrow
afoot in Canada today, so can you see tomorrow's American gun control at
work in Australia. And it's so ludicrous that it would be ROTFLMAOWHMS
funny, if only it weren't true. Australia just outlawed swords...and knives...and
sticks! And bulletproof vests, believe it or not (guess they don't want
their police to be wasting any more bullets on the citizenry than absolutely
necessary). Here's a link to an article about it:
- http://www.downunderwebsites.com/aussielawswords.htm
- Swords Banned in Australia
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- You probably already know that, two years ago, Australia
banned all personal firearms. You might recall having seen the huge piles
of guns being run over by bulldozers and then fed through industrial-strength
Mixmasters. Glocks into plowshares, sort of.
-
- Maybe it has something to do with that hole in the ozone
layer down there - too many gamma rays, or something.
-
- When a list member sent me the article mentioned above,
I immediately modified it for the logical conclusion of this farcical endeavor
and sent it on to my joke list. For comic relief, I have uploaded it and
you may retrieve it here: http://www.conspiracypenpal.com/columns/rocks.htm
- Rocks Banned In Australia
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- Gun control is something I never have been able to fathom.
America's founders got it, though - that's why they wrote the Second Amendment.
-
- Imagine you live in a neighborhood where everybody is
armed. All the neighborhoods around you are armed to the teeth, too. You
decide you don't like all the killing. Using prevailing logic, you call
for a vote, espousing the benefits of a gun-free neighborhood and your
suggestion passes. You go door to door, collecting all the guns. So far,
fine... in theory. (Of course, things invariably go amiss with theories
because they so often require laboratory conditions.)
-
- Of course, the occupants of several houses on your street
merely hide their guns and continue to use them at night for their routine
rape, robbery and general mayhem. In fact, those desperados become even
bolder, now breaking into houses when people are home, since they know
nobody else has guns. And hoodlums from other 'hoods come around for the
easy pickings. Crime actually goes up, but you act all confused, pretending
not to know why: "Good thing we collected all them guns, else who
knows just how bad things might be around here."
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- Then, one of your neighbors, now without a gun, takes
his military dress sword down from over the mantle where he hung it after
he got home from serving his country, goes next door and skewers his neighbor
for having molested his little boy.
-
- In the face of this crime wave, what do you do? Obviously,
you ban swords, that's what you do. Gamma rays, I tell you. It's gotta
be the gamma rays.
-
- Too bad Japan didn't think to ban atomic bombs back in
the early 1940s. Maybe Spain will wake up and ban train bombs now.
-
- Hmmph.
-
- Sometimes I really understand how Gulliver must have
felt.
-
- For those still able to think for themselves (that's
most everybody on this list, by the way), let's review a bit of history:
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- In 1911, Turkey banned guns. During the next 2 years,
1.5 million Armenians were executed.
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- In 1929, the Soviets banned guns. During the next 25
years, at least 20 million Christians were executed.
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- In 1935, China banned guns. During the next 15 years,
20 million (that they admit to) political dissidents were executed.
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- In 1938, Germany banned guns. During the next 7 years,
8 million people were executed (13 million if you believe in the joke that
the Holocaust has become).
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- In 1956, Cambodia banned guns. During the next 20 years,
1 million educated citizens were executed.
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- In 1964, Guatemala banned guns. During the next 15 years,
100,000 Mayans were executed.
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- In 1970, Uganda banned guns. During the next 10 years,
300,000 Christians were executed.
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- Do you see a pattern emerging here?
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- For those not keeping score at home, last century that's
at least 50 million defenseless-because-they-had-been-disarmed people,
predominantly political dissidents, who were slaughtered by their own governments.
Not that Australia would do that sort of thing, of course. But, then...there's
those gamma rays.
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- Australian assaults were up 9% just in the first year
following the gun ban. Homicides with firearms alone were up 300% in the
state of Victoria that first year. While declining steadily during the
years leading up to the Australian gun ban, during the very first year
afterwards, armed robberies skyrocketed by 44%. Break ins and elderly assaults
have also spiked upwards. Australian politicians simply can't explain the
basis for the recent crime wave, so they did the most logical thing: they
banned swords, of course. Gamma rays, don't forget.
-
- Remember I said that America's gun control of tomorrow
can be seen on display in Australia today, before you get too smug about
things. Just as the lesser of two evils is still evil (think George the
Second), so is the less dumb of dumb and dumber still dumb.
-
- Followers of my rants know exactly where I am going to
point the finger of blame now, don't you? Well, actually, let me simply
lift the curtain on the Chosen pointing the finger at themselves: "Gun
control and Judaism have always gone hand in hand. Jewish politicians,
including Schumer and Democratic Sens. Frank Lautenberg of New Jersey and
Dianne Feinstein of California are at the forefront of the battle in Congress.
Lautenberg, in fact, sponsored the bill that was adopted last week by the
Senate. http://www.thejewishweek.com/news/newscontent.php3?artid=959
- Gunning For A New Life, James D. Besser, The Jewish Week
(May 28, 1999).
- The same tribe is responsible for what just happened
in Australia, of course.
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- There's a reason my pickup has the following bumper sticker:
"Fight crime. Shoot back!"
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- We don't get much in the way of gamma rays here in North
Idaho, you see.
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- New America. An idea whose time has come.
-
- -ed
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- "I didn't say it would be easy. I just said it would
be the truth." - Morpheus
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- Copyright 2004, Edgar J. Steele
-
- Forward as you wish. Permission is granted to circulate
among private individuals and groups, post on all Internet sites and publish
in full in all not-for-profit publications. Contact author for all other
rights, which are reserved.
-
- http://www.conspiracypenpal.com/columns/guns.htm
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