- I was entering a world without sense, without logic,
without reason.....it's the big orange signpost up ahead - your next stop,
The Burger King.
-
- It had to happen, sooner or later. Today, I walked through
the holy portals of the chain-link-conveyor on-demand sandwich factory,
looking for a quick lunch. And received more than I bargained for. What
you are about to read is absolutely true. No names were changed to protect
the guilty.
-
- As I entered the line with the other sheep, I noticed
another signpost up ahead. It was a glossy, black on white NUTRITIONAL
INFORMATION pamphlet display. Nothing in my past schooling could have prepared
me for this. The ingredients quoted below are taken directly from their
free brochure.
-
- I began to read it. How hard could that be? Sure, all
the calories for everything (except the "salad") were into three
figures. But the question made me continue to fold this pamphlet open..."what
is IN all those sandwiches?" The ingredients occupy four panels and
are all written in painfully small font. Perhaps 1 point in size. Almost
every compound known to man was in there....and then it was my turn at
the altar to pronounce my order...
-
- The 'sales associate' said to me, "How are you today
sir?" I said, "Quite well, that, is until I read THIS" And
I was ill-prepared for what came next when he heard that. He said "How
about one of our low-carb sandwiches?"
-
- Thinking about the war on fat, unpleasant views in the
mirror we all have everyday, and looking at the small standup full color,
closeup photo of this new sandwich, I said "Sure! That sounds great!"
-
- Then he uttered these words to me, as though he expected
to hear the answer: "Is it OK, sir, that there isn't any bun with
it?" I said "WHAT? HOW do you make a hamburger WITHOUT a bun?"
He looked dumbfounded, with no answer in his buffer. Then the flash of
insight hit me - I could see myself opening up this "sandwich"
and find a PILE of lettuce, tomatos and two pathetic excuses for meat patties
in a paper wrapper.
-
- The result of this inspirational flash was immediate
and dramatic. In less than one nanosecond, I said "FORGET THAT! GIVE
me a REAL hamburger!"
-
- Finally, my turn in the stall came, and my order number
was called out. I trundled off to the drink trough over the sticky floor
and science experiment to get my drink. Then on to a table. I often read
when I eat. My wife hated it when Wendy's had those nice 100 year old newspaper
reproductions embedded in the formica. I would just naturally read through
lunch.
-
- Today I was alone, alone with my BK chemistry lesson.
I started to read...first about the forbidden food of the Gods- "The
Bun." "Enriched flour" with all the enrichment ingredients
listed. Is this what is used to enrich uranium? Then the water, sugar,
yeast, salt and much more, including "natural and artificial butter
flavor." Yum yum ! I read on ..."Dough conditioners, dough strengtheners,
and incredibly, dough softeners!" I guess they make it tougher to
have a reason to soften it.
-
- And then I see a new one- "calcium peroxide (oxidant.)
WHAT? Hydrogen peroxide was rocket fuel back in the early days of rocketry
...will these buns give me a way to visit the moon? Perhaps not.
-
- I continue to eat, read and chuckle..."potassium/calcium
iodate" and more. The last ingredient is "natural flavor from
plant sources." WHAT plants are those sources? You're not allowed
to know. And all this shown above occupies a space about about one inch
high on one panel.
-
- In the chicken whopper, there is much more from their
chemistry set..."Disodium Guanylate" (bat guana derivative?)
and disodium inosinate, followed by coloring, chicken flavor, smoke flavor,
and including most all the common ones you find in frozen foods in your
grocery store. Then it gets better - even though the No. 1 ingredient is
boneless chicken breast, the last item listed is "Natural flavors
from plant and animal sources." WHAT? Are they telling us there is
"other meat" in the chicken besides chicken? And from what source
does it come from ?
-
- I won't spoil it all - don't buy the book, go get the
pamphlet for free.
-
- Finally, I read about the mysterious Coke Classic contents.
-
- I have never partaken of this chemical cocktail, and
now I'm even happier about it. The second-to-last ingredient listed in
Coke Classic is caffeine.
-
- The last one is actually "Natural flavors from plant
and animal sources."
-
- Do we even want to THINK what part of the animal it comes
from? Farmers will tell you that with pigs, "the only part not used
is the squeal."
-
- Mad cow in a can, anyone?
-
- And don't forget, "Have it your way !"
-
- Ted
(scans provided by Ted Twietmeyer upon request).
-
-
- Comment
- From David Brandt
- 3-27-4
-
- Jeff -
-
- So, now we have to wonder about what's in our soft drinks.
Honestly, I'd prefer to have a small amount of cocaine in coke than a dose
of prions. I attempted to get the animal ingredients from the corporation,
explaining that I am a vegan. They respond by claiming it's a secret formula
and they never reveal the ingredients. I suggested they should start calling
it "prion cola".
|
