- The 'Patriot' Acts.
-
- Is this what you REALLY want ???
-
- This is NOT speculation, nor humor, but plausible reality
to come.
-
-
- Operator: Thank you for calling Pizza Hut. May I have
your...
-
- Customer: Hi, I'd like to order.
-
- Operator: May I have your NIDN first, sir?
-
- Customer: My National, ID Number, yeah, hold on, eh,
it's 6102049998-45-54610.
-
- Operator: Thank you, Mr. Sheehan. I see you live at 1742
Meadowland Drive, and the phone number's 494-2366. Your office number over
at Lincoln Insurance is 745-2302, and your cell number's 266-2566. Which
number are you calling from, sir?
-
- Customer: Huh? I'm at home. Where d'ya get all this information?
-
- Operator: We're wired into the system, sir.
-
- Customer: (Sighs) Oh, well, I'd like to order a couple
of your All-Meat Special pizzas...
-
- Operator: I don't think that's a good idea, sir.
-
- Customer: Whaddya mean?
-
- Operator: Sir, your medical records indicate that you've
got very high blood pressure and extremely high cholesterol. Your National
Health Care provider won't allow such an unhealthy choice.
-
- Customer: What do you recommend, then?
-
- Operator: You might try our low-fat Soybean Yogurt Pizza.
I'm sure you'll like it.
-
- Customer: What makes you think I'd like something like
that?
-
- Operator: Well, you checked out 'Gourmet Soybean Recipes'
from your local library last week, sir. That's why I made the suggestion.
-
- Customer: All right, all right. Give me two family sized
ones, then. What's the damage?
-
- Operator: That should be plenty for you, your wife and
your four kids, sir. The 'damage,' as you put it, heh, heh, comes to $49.99.
-
- Customer: Lemme give you my credit card number.
-
- Operator: I'm sorry sir, but I'm afraid you'll have to
pay in cash. Your credit card balance is over it's limit.
-
- Customer: I'll run over to the ATM and get some cash
before your driver gets here.
-
- Operator: That won't work either, sir. Your checking
account's overdrawn.
-
- Customer: Never mind. Just send the pizzas. I'll have
the cash ready. How long will it take?
-
- Operator: We're running a little behind, sir. It'll be
about 45 minutes, sir. If you're in a hurry, you might want to pick 'em
up while you're out getting the cash, but carrying pizzas on a motorcycle
can be a little awkward.
-
- Customer: How the heck do you know I'm riding a bike?
-
- Operator: It says here you're in arrears on your car
payments, so your car got repo'ed. But your Harley's paid up, so I just
assumed that you'd be using it.
-
- Customer: @#%/$@&?#!
-
- Operator: I'd advise watching your language, sir. You've
already got a July 2006 conviction for cussing out a cop.
-
- Customer: (Speechless)
-
- Operator: Will there be anything else, sir?
-
- Customer: No, nothing. oh, yeah, don't forget the two
free liters of Coke your ad says I get with the pizzas.
-
- Operator: I'm sorry sir, but our ad's exclusionary clause
prevents us from offering free soda to diabetics.
|
