- DEMOCRAT
- You have two cows.
- Your neighbor has none.
- You feel guilty for being successful.
- You vote people into office that put a tax on your cows,
forcing you to sell one to raise money to pay the tax.
- The people you voted for then take the tax money, buy
a cow and give it to your neighbor.
- You feel righteous.
- Barbara Streisand sings for you.
-
- SOCIALIST
- You have two cows.
- The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.
- You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his
cow.
-
- REPUBLICAN
- You have two cows.
- Your neighbor has none.
- So?
-
- COMMUNIST
- You have two cows.
- The government seizes both and provides you with milk.
- You wait in line for hours to get it.
- It is expensive and sour.
-
- CAPITALISM - AMERICAN STYLE
- You have two cows.
- You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.
-
- DEMOCRACY - AMERICAN STYLE
- You have two cows.
- The government taxes you to the point you have to sell
both
- to support a man in a foreign country who has only one
cow,
- which was a gift from your government.
-
- BUREAUCRACY - AMERICAN STYLE
- You have two cows.
- The government takes them both, shoots one, milks the
other, pays you for the milk, and then pours the milk down the drain.
-
- AMERICAN CORPORATION
- You have two cows.
- You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO
on the 2nd one.
- You force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows.
- You are surprised when one cow drops dead.
- You spin an announcement to the analysts stating you
have
- downsized and are reducing expenses.
- Your stock goes up.
-
- FRENCH CORPORATION
- You have two cows.
- You go on strike because you want three cows.
- You go to lunch.
- Life is good.
-
- JAPANESE CORPORATION
- You have two cows.
- You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an
ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
- They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains.
- Most are at the top of their class at cow school.
-
- GERMAN CORPORATION
- You have two cows.
- You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of
beer,
- give excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles
an hour.
- Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per
year.
-
- ITALIAN CORPORATION
- You have two cows but you don't know where they are.
- While ambling around, you see a beautiful woman.
- You break for lunch.
- Life is good.
-
- RUSSIAN CORPORATION
- You have two cows.
- You count them and learn you have five cows.
- You have some more vodka.
- You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
- You count them again and learn you have 12 cows.
- You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.
- You produce your 10th, 5-year plan in the last 3 months.
- The Mafia shows up and takes over however many cows
- you really have.
-
-
- FLORIDA CORPORATION
- You have a black cow and a brown cow.
- Everyone votes for the best looking one.
- Some of the people who like the brown one best,
- vote for the black one.
- Some people vote for both.
- Some people vote for neither.
- Some people can't figure out how to vote at all.
- Finally, a bunch of guys from out-of-state tell you
- which is the best-looking one.
-
- NEW YORK CORPORATION
- You have fifteen million cows.
- You have to choose which one will be the leader of the
herd,
- so you pick some fat cow from Arkansas
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