- Our man in Kabul ("Abdul," not Geraldo) reports
the latest news from Afghanistan. The US troops are still trying to
integrate
with the Afghani peasantry, and even though the CNN-Department of Defense
has reported that only one twelve hundred pound crate of food has landed
on a hut, killing the people inside, it's not true. There have, in fact,
been many incidents like this. Our man didn't know exactly how many there
were, but he believes there have been perhaps dozens and dozens of these
incidents. Not only have we been smashing their huts, but we have been
dropping them on the peasantry's most valuable resource -- their camels.
Since the US has been dropping crates of food over populated areas, it's
almost impossible not to smash many of their adobe huts.
-
- The mayor of one village said that "every time we
see the crates dropping, we sound the village emergency bell, and everyone
in the village grabs their camel and runs like hell to the caves."
The local peasantry (and I'm not making this up) have begun calling them,
"Yabba dabba doo."
-
- "Yabba dabba doo" can be loosely translated
as "falling crates that knock down huts and squash
camels."
-
- Meanwhile Secretary Rumsfeld has said that the United
States is determined to feed the Afghani people. He admits that we're
dropping
all this stuff on them -- and they don't even know that it's food. They've
never seen stuff like this before.
-
- The tribal chieftain was seen holding up an MRE (Meals
Ready to Eat) of spaghetti and meatballs. He says that they didn't know
what it was, but that they determined finally that it was lamb's brains
and tomato sauce. But he said he couldn't figure out why there were little
lumps of horseshit in it. He was referring to the meatballs.
-
- One of the crates of food had busted open, and it had
what looked like thousands of packages of Kraft's marshmallows. The poor
Afghans, of course, don't know a marshmallow from a hole in the
wall.
-
- The chieftain was holding the marshmallow and squeezing
it. He said that he thought, by the texture of the thing, that it was some
sort of suppository.
-
- Since there's a greater American troop presence now,
they're going into these Afghani villages to make friends with them and
tell them that "we come in peace". And of course, they don't
understand any of the local language. When the US went into this thing,
we had almost no Arabic-speaking people in the armed forces, and especially
none who could speak the local language.
-
- When the troops go in there, the only thing they
understand
is that they keep hearing the peasants say, "Yabba dabba doo."
So now the American troops have nicknamed the Afghan peasants
"flintstones."
They thought initially that the peasants were trying to communicate with
them by saying something humorous, something they heard on TV.
-
- So our troops would yell back at them, "Yabba dabba
doo," and immediately all the peasants look up in the sky, then grab
their camels and run like hell.
-
- And the American commander says, "We can't figure
out what's going on." It's the sheer ineptitude that becomes humorous.
We go into these things, and we don't have people that speak the language.
Logistically we don't even know where the people are. Our own troops were
saying that only half of the Global Positioning Units work at any given
time. And they're not being given reliable maps because the Department
of Defense didn't even have any.
-
- Then the soldiers say, "Look, half the time we don't
know where we are; we don't speak the language; we don't know what's going
on."
-
- But the tribal chieftains couldn't understand why we
were spoiling good lamb's brains and tomato sauce with lumps of horseshit.
Then we're dropping MREs that have macaroni and cheese in them. The Afghans
took it as an insult. They thought it looked like vomit in a bag.
-
- Then they showed the beans and franks. Apparently that's
the most popular item - the beans and franks. They think the franks are
some sort of sheep's member, and that's the one thing that's really
valuable
because evidently sheep's members are thought to give their virility a
boost. So they're much enthralled with the beans and franks.
-
- The very incompetence of our armed forces is what's so
humorous. You can't believe what the US Government says about the war in
Afghanistan. They said that we accidentally dropped one five hundred pound
bomb on a cave -- without realizing that our Northern Alliance allies were
inside the cave looking for the Taliban. Inadvertently we sealed our own
allies in the cave, and they're making a big to-do about it -- how we're
rushing excavation equipment there to dig out our allies, whom we bombed
into the cave in the first place.
-
- Meanwhile, the Pakistanis are leaking out information
that bin Laden may already be dead, sealed inside a cave somewhere. Then
it'll cost $1.3 billion of the US taxpayers' money to excavate all the
thousands of caves we've already bombed. But it will be a very convenient
story, when bin Laden's head is finally paraded before the world.
-
- The situation between India and Pakistan keeps
deteriorating.
India has withdrawn its help regarding the "war on terrorism"
and declared the Pakistanis to be "terrorists." Likewise, the
Pakistanis have declared the Indians to be "terrorists." It
should
be remembered that Pakistan was initially behind the Taliban, as well as
the Kashmiri so-called "separatists." Pakistan also armed the
Tamil so-called "separatists."
-
- India has reinforced its conventional forces on the
Kashmiri
border with Pakistan and is dispatching the rest of its forces to its
border
with China. Apparently both Pakistan and India have their nuclear arsenals
on a full state of alert. The Chinese have quietly begun to increase their
conventional strength on their western borders and have moved an
undetermined
quantity of thermo-nuclear mobile launchers into its western
theater.
-
- Russia has privately told the Chinese that should they
attempt to attack India, the Russians will attack the Chinese, whereupon
both Chinese and Russians have privately told George Bush and Tony Blair
that allied conventional forces best be withdrawn "for their own
safety."
They don't want the United States drawn in that way, but, of course, the
Bush Administration will take that gamble because it's so desperate to
keep American troops in Afghanistan as part of its long-term
strategy.
-
- This strategy in the so-called "war against
terrorism"
is an effort to continuously take more and more rights from the American
people and consolidate that power in the White House. This is a very
important
long-term strategy. The Bush Administration has a lot of vested political
capital built into this propaganda. If suddenly our troops in Afghanistan
were to be withdrawn, Bush would wind up with egg on his face. And it would
disturb their timetable.
-
- In other news, the Department of Defense has reported
that they want to resume testing of the completely grounded V-22 Ospreys.
They have finally been forced to make substantial admissions that there
are numerous design faults and spare part problems. They want to resume
flight-testing, but even they said they would not put soldiers on the
aircraft.
Testing would be resumed by remote control. (See previous story)
-
- The V-22 is still officially classified as a prototype
aircraft. Instead of humans, though, they want to put small animals, like
dogs, on the aircraft. They will be hooking them up to respiration and
heart-monitoring machines to see how they react to various stresses as
the aircraft goes through various maneuvers.
-
- When the ASPCA heard about, they immediately filed for
an injunction in the California Superior Court, asking the judge to block
the Department of Defense from doing this, since the V-22 Osprey was
obviously
hazardous to the animals.
-
- The judge, after reading the safety reports of the V-22
Osprey, declared the aircraft to be "a flying death trap." And
the ASPCA was given their injunction.
-
- With more reports of more American soldiers being injured
by American faulty equipment, maybe we should wage a whole new kind of
warfare. If we're going to make a serious worldwide effort on the "war
on terrorism," we should first arm all the "terrorists"
with American weapons because then we wouldn't have to fight them at all.
They would eventually all die of attrition. As the helicopters we gave
them crashed, as the missiles we gave them blew up on launch, as they get
electrocuted through faulty spare parts, eventually they would all die
out. That should be our new "battle plan."
-
- Then there was the announcement of the crash of the
Global
Hawk, the unmanned experimental surveillance drone, in Afghanistan. This
was supposedly the first one used in Afghanistan. They had been using the
Dragonflies, but they all got lost - or they crashed.
-
- The Dragonflies are only about $350,000 a piece. They're
really nothing more than glorified model airplanes. So General Tommy
Franks,
the commander of US forces in the region, declared that if all the $350,000
Dragonflies are crashing, perhaps we should use the new $16 million Global
Hawk. They launched it, and it was supposed to be the first time it's been
used in a combat theater. The Global Hawk takes off, then promptly proceeds
to fly in the wrong direction six hundred miles -- until it crashes in
Pakistan. It was supposed to be going west to Kandahar. It landed in the
hinterland of Pakistan on another hut killing two more peasants. It's just
another $16 million of the American people's tax money wasted on another
system that doesn't work. A GAO report said that the US Army's own
Inspector
General's Office said it wasn't ready and it didn't work. But they launched
it anyway, and, for the first stretch of a hundred miles or so, it was
apparently sending back signals indicating that it was flying in the right
direction -- when it was really flying a hundred eighty degrees the other
way.
-
- It finally crashed in a Pakistani village and two more
villagers met their demise. The tribal chieftain of the village had
evidently
heard about these "yabba dabba doos" from the Afghani
peasants.
-
- After the incident, it was reported that the Pakistani
tribal chieftain told his flock to grab their camels and head for the caves
- until the Americans stop dropping "yabba dabba doos. .
."
-
- It should be remembered that "Yabba dabba doos"
are roughly translated as "falling objects that smash huts and squash
camels."
-
- ___
-
- AL MARTIN is America's foremost whistleblower on
government
fraud and corruption. A retired US Navy Lt. Commander and former officer
in the Office of Naval Intelligence, he has testified before Congress (the
Kerry Committee and the Alexander Committee) regarding Iran-Contra. Al
Martin is the author of "The Conspirators: Secrets of an Iran Contra
Insider" (2001, National Liberty Press, $19.95; Toll FREE order line:
1-866-317-1390) He lives at an undisclosed location, since the criminals
named in his book have been returned to national power and prominence.
His column "Behind the Scenes in the Beltway" is published
regularly
on Al Martin Raw: Criminal Govt Conspiracy http://www.almartinraw.com.
-
- http://www.almartinraw.com/column45.html
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